Friday, August 18, 2006

Jeffrey Archer: the Blog

The Blogosphere is aflame. The Greatest Living Novelist has a blog - here. A few choice extracts to get you gagging for more:
On Tom Stoppard's new play: "It's a magnificent tour de force, although you need to be aware that it's a three hour production."
On a story in his new book: "It's the tale of an Italian footballer who marries an extremely fat woman, with an ending that I hope will make people laugh."
On his dentist: "I hate my dentist - in fact he's rather a nice chap called Rob - but I still hate him."
On returning home: "I arrived home exhausted - standing around in the sun all day long is much more tiring than I realised."
On not being a Catholic: "I read in another newspaper that I'm converting to Roman Catholicism. One phone call, and they would have discovered that it hadn't even crossed my mind."
Amazing isn't it? Like being dead. Not since Jennifer's Diary have I felt that eerie thrill of actually being inside an utterly banal, utterly undemanding mind.


  1. Sorry one more Archerism, couldn't resist this:
    "The most important event this weekend was the celebration of my and Mary's 40th Wedding Anniversary on Saturday night. As it was held on the lawns and in a marquee, I was grateful that the sun shone between 7pm and 8pm for the reception, and it was not until the last guest drove out of the gate at 2am, did it start to rain."

  2. Puts me in mind of Barry Humphries' great creation Sandy
    Stone, but with massive self-regard thrown in - classic.

  3. You fail to indicate the true awfulness of it all with the (sparse) comments. Other than the donkey reference of course (you have to read it). Speaking of which, many, many years ago a friend of mine in Cambridge was trying to think of a name for his new band. I suggested 'the fragrant marys' and I bitterly regret he turned it down. They would have gone far...

  4. Pity Mr Archer wasn't around back around 1600.
    "Last night I saw William Shakespeare's new play Hamlet: it's a magnificent tour de force, although you need to be aware that it's a three hour production."

  5. You could perhaps make your life as a blogger easier, Bryan, if you were to take a leaf out of Jeffrey Arccher's book....or many wonderful books if you insist.
    Thinking long the lines of :
    "I took a break from writing earlier to make myself a cup of tea, and for a moment to my disappointment I thought the milk was going off.
    However I must have been mistaken as the tea tasted fine."
    Or perhaps :
    "Upon looking out the window earlier I felt the clouds looked a bit dark and might bring rain, and so I brought in the washing from the line.
    And a good thing I did as not long later it was raining quite heavily."
    Another option would be to have a successful and lucrative career bringing out a string of pot boilers under the pseudonym Geoffrey Archer, some of which could have something funny at the end so as to make people laugh.

  6. Tragically, Andrew, there is already a successful purveyor of potboiling thrillers to the confused and/or dyslexic called Geoffrey Archer. Scorpion Trail, Eagle Trap, Dark Angel - those are but a few of the titles to his illustrious name. Fair play to him, I say.

  7. I don't believe it Anonymous. Along with our Libdem shandy correlation, I think I seem to have tapped into some odd psychic forcefield at this blog.

  8. Road to Damascus moment...

    3 hours. I want to know this. I'm sure it's in the prgram, but by then it's too late. I could ring the box office, but I haven't the time. This is valuable information. Where else is it available? Certainly not in the reviews. I don't want to see any play under 3 hours. I want my money's worth...

  9. U allen moet over de genoemde horloges fake Panerai van het wereld winnende horloge gehoord hebben product.