Monday, March 26, 2007

On Not Being Poisoned

We will soon, it seems, have a dipstick to test our food for poisons. This particular anxiety was, of course, created by the 'sell-by' or 'best before' dates stamped on supermarket food. These are such weasel words - why not just 'fatal after...'? I don't need the dipstick, of course, as I have Hans, my vertically-challenged taster who has been with me since childhood and who, when he is not vomiting, plays an excellent game of chess. For Steve McLaren, however, the dipstick will be a godsend.

9 comments:

  1. Which explains the Max Bygraves song, 'You need Hans...'

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  2. I think the fans already think that Steve McLaren is a dipstick.

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  3. Quite, Chippy, but I've never been sure what dipstick means as an insult

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  4. Perhaps it's short for 'conjugal dipstick'.

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  5. Most of these work just fine in the context of McLaren. I find number six the most satisfying; swiftly followed by seven.

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  6. You beat me to it, Johnny. But why is it always the seventh definition that frightens me the most?

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  7. Might it be because of this, Chippy?

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  8. Oh no!

    I'd now like to known as Chip.

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  9. Just don't eat gravy cuts of cat- or dogfood in the U.S. for the next few months or you *will* be poisoned.

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