Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Kellogg's: Alert to What?

Clear evidence of the power of Thought Experiments is provided by the fact that as soon (see below) as I raise my concerns about the unhealthy interest of the Kellogg company in my bowels, it is slapped down by the Advertising Standards Authority (here). Apparently, its claim that a bowl of Corn Flakes in the morning made children 9 per cent more alert could not be substantiated. My question is: alert to what? Geography, double physics? Surely this would be a bad thing. But there is this wider point about the extraordinary seriousness with which cereal companies try to keep us alive. Nestle targets our hearts, Kellogg our bowels. The latter also had a cereal called Common Sense which, I think, they still make. Why are breakfast cereals no longer just food? Whatever happened to Kellogg's Tastes Quite Nice or Nestle's Fairly Good With Milk in the Absence of Anything Else?
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 8:52 am

6 comments:

  1. AnonymousAugust 23, 2006 3:31 pm

    I'm not surprised they couldn't substantiate their claim that Corn Flakes made children 9% more alert. Everyone knows the correct figure is 7.8%. And while I'm at it, can anyone suggest a good cereal for improving posture?

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  2. AnonymousAugust 23, 2006 4:01 pm

    Well, since you ask, I reckon it's because breakfast cereals - like so much else in our infantilised world - have spread from the nursery, were they belong, to the adult domain, where they must be marketed as serious and salutary. While we're on the subject, though, how on earth did Shreddies end up being called Shreddies? Nothing could be less shreddy. Those, I suppose, were simpler times...
    The Autocrat

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  3. AnonymousAugust 24, 2006 7:56 am

    Quickest way to a man's wallet is via his alimentary canal; entry mode unimportant. The only unhealthy interest they have is with their bottom line. Hence presumably Heinz's intention to move production of HP Sauce to the Netherlands. Is nothing sacred ? Steel industry, gone. Shipbuilding, gone. Coal industry, gone. Now looks like the food industry is going the same way. British Sugar's threat to shut down all sugar production in the UK which will allow several thousand more acres devoted to the cultivation of ragwort and thistles.

    Food miles argument probably won't stand scrutiny - centre of mass of HP Sauce consumption is probably nearer the Netherlands (how would you plot this - isogasts?).

    But we can protect food marques against poaching (Champagne, Feta (we've hit back with Wensleydale, but if they'd done that a decade earlier, Northern dairies couldn't have relocated it to Cheshire (Cheshire!))). Why not a national treasure like HP Sauce. I've heard Derek Cooper waxing lyrical on Worcester Sauce, but not brown sauce - it's much underrated.

    Egg & chips will never be the same again.

    Save HP Sauce!

    Dip for Britain!




    Whatever happened to Cap'n Crunch ?

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  4. AnonymousAugust 24, 2006 2:10 pm

    By the way, Andrew, for improving posture, you can't beat Kellogg's Sit Up Straight And Eat This.
    T.A.

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  5. AnonymousAugust 24, 2006 2:15 pm

    As for Cap'n Crunch, David - this is a link toa worryingly serious website devoted to the tiresome fellow. Check out the story 'The War Against Cap'n Crunch'. Food for thought indeed...
    T.A.

    http://cg.scs.carleton.ca/~morin/misc/capn/

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  6. AnonymousAugust 24, 2006 5:53 pm

    And I've answered my own question - how do you plot food consumption ? With meat & potato pie charts of course.

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