Forecasts for 2007 (2)

As the onion domes rise over St Paul's and John Reid's government embarks on an affordable housing scheme in Hackney for Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Madonna, London finally pulls out of the 2012 Olympics on the grounds that the money and land would be better used to provide cardboard 'starter' homes for all the Polish nannies and builders required by the oligarchs. Prime Minister Reid - 'I used to be a communist. I used to believe in Santa Claus.' - returns to his roots with a KGB-inspired scheme to detect Islamic terrorists. Christian pacifists are arrested and beaten until they confess. Bono buys a new pair of sunglasses to remind us of all the suffering in the world. Prince Philip and Donald Rumsfeld join forces to build a retirement home for the diplomatically challenged. They name it Lousy Bastards.