Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Gaaargs Are Coming!
Massively irritated by our discovery of their planet, Gaaarg, the Gaaargians have already dispatched a fleet of light-speed Gaaargships, due to arrive in the vicinity of earth on 26th October 2027. Luckily we have laid our plans for just this eventuality. In their book An Introduction to Planetary Defense, Taylor and Boan suggest we may have to adopt a mujahadeen-type resistance movement. They may not, however, have allowed for an intervention by John Bolton, which will, of course, result in the nations of earth allying with the aliens in a massive assault on the US. Meanwhile, we must all be on the alert. I can reveal the Gaaargs have already planted a web page designed to daze humans and render them incapable of resistance. Do not, if you value the future of humanity, go here.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
did you snatch that date from the air? just so happens to be the year Children of Men is set in. I watched it last night. very good - would you call it a British film?
ReplyDeletethe artist's impression doesn't do justice to the report. I'm not an expert as you know but doesn't it take a bit more than nice weather and a bit of water to sustain life ''as we know it''? I mean, for a start there's protection against cosmic radiation. we take everything for granted here on little old earth.
Why would they come here? ''christ!'', they must be thinking (for they surely have one of those), ''these bleeders have to wait 350 days between summer vacations! stuff that.'' It's a funny old world...
That final link is a really weird thing. Please can somebody explain why it appears to undulate.
ReplyDelete''The authors carefully make their case from every angle beginning with the statistical probability of an alien invasion.''
ReplyDelete...but they went ahead and wrote the book anyway.
the brain is an arrogant yet lazy instrument. it sees so much then makes up the rest, knowing it's right. it's wrong. it's a programme bug but you can get a patch to correct it. put the patch over half the image and it stops moving.
ReplyDeletemy serious guess is its to do with half the nuts having the highlight and shadow (black and white) bits on opposite sides to the neighbouring rows. we assume they're the same.
I bet if you looked long enough at it, it would cease moving. Let me know how you get on.
The date, Ian, is accurate - the newly-discovered planets is 20.5 light years away.
ReplyDeletean intervention by John Bolton which will, of course, result in the nations of earth allying with the aliens in a massive assault on the US.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh.
so they travel at the speed of light, we will see them depart and arrive at the same time. do the national defense guys know that?!
ReplyDeletetalking of which, your blog clock seems a little tardy.
ReplyDeleteTo travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive. I wonder is that an expression they use on Gaaarg.
ReplyDeleteTell me, does Gaaarg have countries. Most of these planets seem to be totally united or run by authoritarian control. Or are we looking into our own future through the telescope?
ReplyDeleteIn the name of God! These Gaaargs are incredibly bright. I printed off that page and it is still moving on my wall. It's witchcraft I tell you!
ReplyDeleteThe latest discovery has created tremendous excitement among scientists.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone else noticed what an easily excitable lot scientists have become? It's been years since I've seen a report on any discovery about anything that didn't feature scientists quite beside themselves with excitement. I'm often left with the image of them knocking over beakers and test tubes during a celebratory piss-up and group grope in the lab.
More seriously, this issue says so much about the modern mindset. Up until a few generations ago, the idea that there might be life out there was very unsettling, even frightening. Today, especially among the educated, the truly disturbing notion seems to be that there might not be.
That's a good point, Lee. A united Earth is a very distant dream, which is perhaps why we like to imagine aliens attacking so that we can all get together.
ReplyDeleteA bit like imagining a World XI cricket team to take on the Martians.
Dulwichmumm, a timely warning from the comfort of your Audi Q7. We must not underestimate the genius of the Gaaargs. After all, the defeated the Glurgs simply by staring at them for weeks.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine a united earth, brit, but i can't imagine the americans taking up cricket.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I fear the Gaaargs mnay have invaded the mind of one of our most beloved actors:
ReplyDeletehttp://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6595297.stm
what was in the tub?
Today, especially among the educated, the truly disturbing notion seems to be that there might not be [life out there].
ReplyDeleteIt's an unsettling idea to the educated because if our ideas about how life came to be on Earth are correct, or nearly so, then the Universe ought to be teeming with life, and if that's so, then we might expect a few of those places to have intelligent life, as well.
So it's disturbing because then we'd have to come up with a credible alternative hypothesis, or maybe embrace the worldview that we actually were molded out of clay, so to speak, by I Am.
Ha! Baked beans! The pity, the shame.
ReplyDeleteBeing beaten up by Hugh Grant must be just about the most shameful fate that this cruel, cruel world can throw at a man.
ReplyDeletethat web page was of undulating baked beans. The Gaargs made Hugh Grant do it!
ReplyDelete"but i can't imagine the americans taking up cricket"
ReplyDeleteWe won't. You'll take up baseball.
"Most of these planets seem to be totally united or run by authoritarian control. "
ReplyDeleteThey always have one form of government - a high council. Never a single executive or a parliamentary system.
Also, they will be robed. No pants.
A sound observation, Duck. Pods are also involved in most cases.
ReplyDelete"....You'll take up baseball."
ReplyDeleteIs that a threat Duck? The takeover begineth?
That game is even more boring than cricket! (I apologise for that in advance, although true.)
Lee,
ReplyDeletePerhaps we'll all agree to assemble a commission to study a way to merge the two games into one. They will just meet forever without completing their work, and in the interim baseball and cricket will continue.
Baseball may be dull, but a game is usually over with in 2 to 3 hours, never 2 to 3 days.
You have my permission to attack the US as long as you concentrate your firepower on George Bush and Dick Cheney.
ReplyDelete