Friday, April 20, 2007

Nothing Much Here

The above headline is designed to break every rule in this list. Interestingly, the headline on the list - Five Common Headline Mistakes and How to Avoid Them - is really bad. The further reason for my headline is that it is true. For the first time in over a year of blogging, I have nothing to say. But, anyway, headlines. Embalmer Farmer in Llama Pyjama Drama has been waiting for years for reality to oblige with a story about an agricultural taxidermist caught stealing night attire made from the skin of a South American mammal. Minor Earthquake in Peru, Not Many Injured has, in fact, been used and was, I think, voted the most boring headline ever written. Jeffrey is, of course, the greatest living novelist, but he is also the world's lamest headline writer. 'A Comedy of Wit and Style' did actually make my toes curl. And, while I am on the subject, it seems Dame Edna has chosen Jeff as her biographer. This is probably a joke, but, if it's not, it's a mistake. In spite of endorsements from God, the Lord Buddha, Oprah Kidman and Tony Putin, sales of Jeff's groundbreaking The Gospel According to Judas are, I gather, poor. Certainly he's gone very quiet on the matter. Can it be that Jeff's magic has deserted him? Mine certainly has. Doubtless I shall think of something to say later.
PS Forgot to mention this, Dave Barry's headline of the day so far.


  1. So often in newspapers today the headline has absolutely nothing to do with the article that follows, or the header says one thing and the article says the exact opposite.

    My two favourites from the Scotsman in recent weeks have been.

    'Kate walks away from £5m kiss and tell over William' - She'd walked away from nothing as nothing had been offered.

    'Is Stalinist That Bad?' it refers to the jibe against Gordon Brown a few weeks back.

  2. Man Stuck by Lightening Faces Battery Charge.

    Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case.

    Prostitutes Appeal to Pope.

    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms.

    I'm sorry, but I really love this kind of silly stuff. I know they are probably not real headlines, but they could be.

  3. now stop it! it's bad form to ridicule a fellow blogger who averages far fewer responses than you.

    can somebody read the poor bugger's blog and leave a comment before I start feeling sorry for him! it's evil!

  4. forget evil - jeffrey's is prime evidence of the non-existence of the condition known as ''writer's block''. it just doesn't exist. there's always something to write about.

  5. In your own hands, Ian. Just to mention, Bryan, Page requested offline or some such preventing any commenting on your very interesting Evil post.

  6. Emm, not any more. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, though here He giveth.

  7. andrew, I think there's enough love here for us all to go over and rack up the score on just one of his posts - I'm curious to know what the archer mind will make of it. a blip in a landscape of noughts. like driving through norfolk and coming across a mountain...

    but he's on about bloody cricket right now, so we'll have to wait.

  8. Ah, the curse of Righteous Block. It comes to us all in the end...