Monday, April 02, 2007
Stop the Struggy
I am considering a campaign modelled on the anti-4x4 uprising. This would involve sticking fake parking tickets with the slogan 'Poor Buggy Choice' on excessively large baby buggies - or, as I think they are called in the US, strollers. Struggies, as I shall call them for perfect transatlantic understanding, are getting bigger. Cafes and restaurants are routinely thrown into turmoil by the arrival of a colossal uber-struggy containing, somewhere amidst the over-engineered melange of steel, fabric and gigantic off-road tyres, one very small toddler, the poor chap bound for a life of self-esteem problems - too much or too little, it could go either way. Here you can see the issue defined with admirable objectivity. What this page does not mention, however, is the way the bigger struggy is becoming as much of a status symbol in fashionable London as the Porsche Cayenne, the vehicle of choice for the Bulgarian Ambulance Service. In this context, the struggy to note is the Britax Teutonia, so-called, I assume, because of its striking resemblance to a Panzer division. I await with dread the Boudica with knives projecting from the wheel hubs to assist in path-clearing through crowded eateries.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
I'm ashamed to say that for my first child I splashed out an insane sum of money on a struggie (perfect name, by the way). I was simply blinded by its bells and whistles, and since it was our first I wanted only the best. However, I was to discover too late that it was an absolute bastard to get into the boot of my car and, critically, my wife (who is rather petite) was simply unable to lift the blasted thing. All in all, a waste of money. Of course, I was blamed for the whole thing - why did I buy such an impractical yoke, didn't I check to see if it fitted into the boot etc. etc. I'm sorry, but practicality didn't come into it. When a man purchases something that has wheels, he doesn't let incidentals like usefulness and cost cloud his judgement.
ReplyDeleteThe French tried to ban the Teutonia, but they just ploughed through the Ardennes, and crossed the River Meuse at Sedan. A British Expeditionary Force, consisting of Silver Cross prams, staged a momentary fightback, but were outnumbered, and barely escaped back to blighty via the channel ports.
ReplyDeleteForgot to say (an Oprah moment of self-confession getting in the way): witty post.
ReplyDeleteTa, Neil, and, yes, Gordon, the Silver Crosses would be exempt from my fake parking tickets scheme. They speak of a more considerate age.
ReplyDeleteIf you live in a city and are taking public transport, those "struggies" (great name, d'accord) are really ridiculous. What you want is a folding stroller that you can kick into fold position with one foot and hand while holding onto struggling toddler with the other.
ReplyDeleteThe most dangerous struggie we encounter, particularily noticeable on the downs,is the "Cruella De Vil" model which is inevitably propelled at outrageous speeds by athletes attired in the most bizarre clothing, irrespective of season.
ReplyDeleteSpecifically designed to be propelled at frightening speeds, with no cameras to constrain them, they to my knowledge, have maimed just over a 100 dogs so far this year.
Few if any children have been hurt in this carnage!
Surely there's a relationship between the increasing size of struggles and the growing numbers of 4x4s?
ReplyDeleteSurely there are more 4x4s in our cities and there's a direct relationship between that fact and the increasing size of struggles. Then again is it because more footballers have wives and they have babies?
ReplyDeleteSusan:
ReplyDeleteWhat you want is a folding stroller that you can kick into fold position with one foot and hand while holding onto struggling toddler with the other.
I see, you mean you need a strolding foddler in order to keep control of the tuggling stroddler...
Spot on, Susan. My second purchase was a streamlined, lightweight affair and it cost less than one of the tyres on the vulgar struggy.
ReplyDeleteStroller?! What stroller?! I've always used a sling. Thank goodness I'm not petite! I've carried my son almost his entire life and never bothered with a stroller.
ReplyDeleteShared your post with the readers of Play Library, Bryan. Loved it! :)
You might also bring your gaze to bear on motorbikes. In an idle moment, I was scanning a publication listing prices & specs of new and used cars. It also had an appendix with the most popular 100 motorbikes currently on sale. Few of them exceeded 30mpg. I did better than that with my old Discovery, and that could (and did)carry 7 people. Plus groceries.
ReplyDeleteSpecifically designed to be propelled at frightening speeds, with no cameras to constrain them, they to my knowledge, have maimed just over a 100 dogs so far this year.
ReplyDelete