Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Footballer Talks Sense Shock

In a freakish and entirely aberrant display of good judgment, an apparently sane player has been picked to play for the worst football team in the world. Joey Barton, whose great virtue apart from sanity is that he plays for Manchester City, makes a point about the ineptitude of the publishing industry which I have often thought of making myself. Why, in the wake of England's dismal failure in the World Cup, did they suddenly publish some very expensive footballers' biographies? Or, as Joey puts it, 'England did nothing in that World Cup, so why were they bringing books out? 'We got beat in the quarter-finals. I played like shit. Here's my book.'' Well, quite. Frank Lampard published a book and is 'renowned for being sensitive to criticism and was deeply aggrieved by Barton's remarks.' Well, tee-hee. Now I only hope Spain win 4-3 with Barton scoring a heroic hat-trick and a cognitive therapist having to be rushed on to the pitch to get Lampard back on his feet after a Spanish player asks him how his book sold.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 6:13 am

8 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 7:58 am

    Footballer talking sense is assuredly deeply shocking. However, equally shocking is the silence of B Appleyard on the imminent appearance of Jeffrey Archer in a BBC tv programme, The Verdict.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2006/12_december/12/bbctwo_verdict.shtml
    Though perhaps it's already started, I'm not sure.

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  2. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 9:26 am

    Yes, Bryan. What about this programme, The Verdict, (being trailed now and due to start Sunday, I think) which clearly shows J Archer as one of the twelve good men and true? The jury also appears to feature Honor Blackman, Michael Portillo, Stan Collymore, Bianca from Eastenders and others I cannot identify. It is beyond shocking.

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  3. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 9:58 am

    The verdict: don't watch it. Turn away. Hide behind the couch. Descale your kettle. Cut your dog's toenails. Clean the toilets with toothpick. Gouge out your eyes with a hot poker.

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  4. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 10:09 am

    Is this the verdict on watching Jeffrey Archer, or England, Neil? I can't imagine Jeffrey being less entertaining than England's football World Cup performances. Although of course, Garth Crooks is always good for a laugh.

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  5. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 11:04 am

    I'm sure both will be entertaining in their own way. But there is good, clean entertainment and then there is brain-damage. Therefore, Mr. Archer should be avoided at all costs. The football? It's only a game. Unlike The Verdict, it won't cause moral fatigue and a feeling of mental entropy.

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  6. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 2:23 pm

    I rather liked how Gerrard said he'd give Barton a copy of his book 'to read over the next couple of days'. Are we seriously expected to believe that Barton can read? Shurely shome mishtake?

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  7. AnonymousFebruary 06, 2007 4:25 pm

    I love it when British people say "Quite," as Bryan does in the above post. It's an essential reason why I am an Anglophile. That, and also Tom Stoppard and Bill Nighy....

    sigh, swoon....

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  8. BritFebruary 06, 2007 5:05 pm

    'We got beat in the quarter-finals. I played like shit. Here's my book.'

    Is that the best thing a footballer or football-related person has ever said?

    Or at least, the best thing since Brian Clough said: "I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one."

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