Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Binge Drinking - The Solution!

Hats off to Greg Mulholland, described as an 'MP', who, after long and agonising thought, has come up with the solution to binge drinking. Yes, that's right - smaller glasses. Why did nobody think of that before? This would save all those helpless victims of the large glass from making a spectacle of themselves as they rampage through our town centres of a Saturday night - I'm sure they'd be as grateful as the rest of us. And for the beer drinkers among them, how about a half pint glass? That would sort them out, wouldn't it?
Meanwhile, the persecution of smokers and pub landlords continues, with the EU proposing a ban on patio heaters, on the inevitable 'green' grounds. Surviving smokers must be made to suffer - pariahs shivering in huddles through the winter months. Maybe we could help them smoke responsibly by introducing half-size cigarettes...


  1. Has no-one pointed out to Mr Mulholland that a)employing politicians with smaller brains has not helped in the least in reducing their tendency to binge legislating and b) if wine were to be served in exceptionally large glasses, say 5 litres, the binge drinkers would be unable to pick up the damned things in order to drink - the wine would also be very expensive.

  2. Excellent idea, Tommy, tho the more determined dinkers might resort to high-calibre straws - or just climb in and drink themselves out...

  3. I wonder if the drinkers might buy two of the smaller glasses? Did anyone ask Mr Mulholland his opinion on that possibility?

    I got out of the pub game in 2005 because of the coming smoking ban and soaring energy prices.. it meant no profits at all. I had a customer who always tried to order a quadruple vodka, I would refuse and serve himt doubles, which he would then defiantly pour into one glass...

  4. the cars and the bars and the barmen.

    the ban ran away with the karma(n)

    all pointless now

  5. Meanwhile, the persecution of smokers and pub landlords continues, with the EU proposing a ban on patio heaters...

    Nor is that all Nige, did you know that as from midnight on New Year's Eve, drinks firms are no longer able to market products as “slammers” or “shooters”, under a new code of conduct designed to curb high-speed “down in one” drinking...

    We are worse than disingenuous. We are ridiculous!

  6. Garrison Keillor wrote a nice piece for the New Yorker years ago called "The End of the Trail" about the last surviving smokers in the United States shortly before they were finally captured by the government.

    Personally though, I think Eddie Izzard said it best:

    "No, no smoking in bars now, and soon, no drinking and no talking!"

  7. Mr. Mulholland's next assignment is rumored be the sorting out your refuse collection problem. I understand that his proposals are likely to involve smaller bins picked up monthly and the propagation of smaller rats. Both will pay great dividends for NHS dietary goals as Britons, unable to fit anything larger than a Weetabix box inside the new bins, will be forced to quit eating, thereby losing mass quantities of weight in the process of quietly starving to death. Dying of starvation is a gradual process for which hospitalization can be avoided with a bit of dilgence on the part of administrators. (Think of the hygiene standards that could be met by empty hospials!) The few vegans who do survive should pose no great threat to the massive, overfed rats that will roam the streets in consequence. (True, the government scheme calls for smaller rats, but, as most such schemes do, it will likely self-inflate.) With any luck, the UK will then be the first member state in the European Union (and probably the only one) to meets its greenhouse emission goals. It could be the first to de-populate itself as well. Good luck!

  8. We'll need it Randy! Onward and downward...

  9. Ronin, you jest but that is exactly the sort of bullshit New Labour would come up with.

  10. Shot glasses are perfect, in fact I have bought presents from DrinksPaddle.Com to serve them up to my friends on a trendy tray... just so they don't drink too much!

  11. i respectfully thank you for tons of meningful message you sent in.
    ugg boots
    ed hardy hoodies outerwear
    ed hardy lingerie