The Old versus the Young

Politicians have discovered me and my people - the baby boomers. After years of grovelling to malodorous youth, they have, it seems, finally stumbled upon my fragrant generation. They have, naturally, completely screwed up their initial attempts at boomer seduction. David Cameron says we are an 'old' country and Labour is plainly struggling with the distinction between youth and age. What they don't realise is that every one of the nation's 11 million boomers really does think that denial is just a river in Egypt. Listen carefully, boys, we DON'T KNOW we are old. If you say, 'Look at that old guy!', we'll turn round to see whom you are talking about. Telling us we are old will produce two deeply undesirable outcomes: a) we will think you are mad and b)when the message sinks in we shall slump into terminal depression at which point the economy - which we alone run - will grind to a halt because the young will all be out clubbing seals or whatever it is they do. Meanwhile, the British are terrified of young people. We regard them with fear and we don't mix with them. Well, quite. In order to sustain the illusion that we are not old, it is absolutely essential to have nothing to do with young people. They might club us, mug us or draw attention to our embarrassingly youthful clothes; but the real problem is that they look young and we don't. We cross the street, not, primarily, to avoid violence, but to avoid the harrowing spectacle of smooth, unslackened skin and ungreyed hair.
Of course, this is all nonsense because, boomer or baby,
'Thou hast nor youth nor age,
But, as it were, an after-dinner's sleep,
Dreaming on both...'