Ray Winstone Invades Poland

A few weeks ago, nobody told me it was Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that nobody told me yesterday was Ray Winstone Day. I saw him in Scorsese's The Departed - wonderful - as Jack Nicholson's muscle, I saw him in trailers for some ITV show and I saw him advertising Kelloggs' latest assault on our colons and aortas, Optivita. Also I think I dreamed about him. Doubtless, today he's in Iraq sorting out that unpleasantness. What is it about Winstone? Unquestionably a superb actor, he's also The Consoling Cockney. He's the bloke that knows a 'fing' or two and will get you through, as long, of course, as he's on your side. He's the conceptual bouncer, the cerebral fixer who, if the chips ever fall, can take off his smart jacket and deck the bad guy. In the cereal ad he says he can't tell us what to do. Oh, but he could. And he's called Ray - solid, working class - Winstone - dogged, Brit determination. You couldn't make him up, but, somehow, we did.