At last, an email from Gywneth Paltrow. The clouds lift.
'Ah, fashion... the fun frivolity that can really cheer a girl up. I used to spend a lot of time looking at fashion, reading about fashion, generally being bemused by fashion. Then one day I had children and it all kind of went out the window. For a few years I was basically in sweat pants and I didn’t mind it. It's a fine line, however, between being comfortable and being demoralized by being frumpy all the time. Just because I no longer had an hour to stand in front of my closet and try to figure out what to wear, did not mean I had to don the same high school t-shirt from the day before. As I started to get back into the world of work, I needed to wear something easy and chic that did not require a lot of planning or accessorizing. It is here that I did return to high school, but this time for a clothing concept: the uniform. Below you will find how the concept works. The key to it is realizing what works on you personally. At some point I figured out that following trends is not always the way to go, you have to know what works on your body and have confidence (not always easy) that what is flattering is fashionable. I want clothes that move easily from a winter's morning making pancakes to the school run to a meeting to homework to a dinner party. These are the basics I am wearing right now for easy, fuss-free dressing. I’ve paired the basics together for three very different but wearable outfits that can be amended for any occasion.'
A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
Problems, always problems, only three outfits? she banked in Reykjavik obviously. Poor wee lassie, in need of a strong shoulder to lean on I shouldn't wonder, not one of those poncey Hollywood jobs, well tough, I'm otherwise engaged, any volunteers out there?
ReplyDeleteGwyneth is a shining beacon in the murky world of celebrity; mothers everywhere, sick of wearing pleather catsuits and other such innapropriate clothing need her trusty advice; how apt she named her son Moses when she herself is a modern day incarnation, descending down the hill (primrose or beverly) with the new and improved commandments;
ReplyDelete1) be rich
2) eat hummus
she doesnt need our strong shoulder Malty, we need hers!
She sounds a touch high maintenance for me, Malty, and I'm not sure her clothing advice is quite what I was after.
ReplyDeleteSend for Elberry, he'll give her something more to think aboiut than wintry pancake sessions.
ReplyDelete"At some point I figured out that following trends is not always the way to go..."
ReplyDeleteI see your point, she is giving advice to the masters of the universe.
Clever Girl.
Okay, I just read the big news and I hope you're gonna post on it, Bryan: "Geneology experts say Sarah Palin is related to Princess Diana." To me, this just explains *everything*.
ReplyDeleteWink, wink....
Now, at last, I feel I can nourish my inner aspect. Starting with pancakes.
ReplyDeleteYes, a few phrases in there to chill the blood ("a clothing concept"), and I imagine that "Gwyneth Paltrow ... wintry pancakes" will become a classic on psychiatric word association lists. It's real bot writing from Cyborg Central.
ReplyDeleteEven so, perhaps an opportunity missed. If you'd printed this straight up, without italics or an attribution, it would have been revealing to see how many Thought Experimenters noticed that it wasn't you. Or worse, thought it was you and commiserated with your rocky road to the top ("I know how you feel, I too was a fashion journalist in sweat pants", etc.)
I'm actually rather impressed - it's surprisingly practical.
ReplyDeleteI'm off to dig out my school shorts.
Didn't she write some of Shakespeare's plays? i don't know what all this being demoralized by being frumpy stuff is about, frumpy is the future.
ReplyDeleteYou're just showing off and making me feel bad that I didn't sign up.
ReplyDeleteGover, I analysed my wardrobe and my figure, and I think you should know that, basically, the pleather catsuit is my new uniform. You can do anything in it - fingerpainting with the kids, baking scones, changing the oil (or maybe the ploil) in your car - and it just wipes clean for that dinner party.
But what I really want to know is, why does Gwynnie's handwriting keep changing?