Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Guns of Norwich

I wandered idly into one of those army surplus shops (ah, here it is!) in the groovy students' area of Norwich yesterday. It was a cave of military clothes, knives, hand grenades, survival gear and guns. Weakened by the claustrophobic atmosphere I bought a shirt (at least I think it's a shirt, it's got so much structure and metal it could well be a motor bike) for £9.99. The main behind the counter - shaved head, three ear-rings in one ear - was serving me wordlessly until suddenly he announced, 'I am in a world of pain.' Feeling I had stumbled into a Coen brothers movie, I prepared to signal my assent while gesturing at the encircling militaria. The words 'Well, quite' were just forming in my lips when I realised he was looking over my shoulder. He was, in fact, addressing an old man behind me who was nodding sympathetically. The pain in question was not that of war but of some secret emotional or possibly medical turmoil. I learned a valuable lesson - silent, shaved-headed men surrounded by weaponry and wearing three ear-rings in one ear have feelings too.
Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 6:33 am

11 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 17, 2009 7:23 am

    If I were you I would not visit Norwich again..

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  2. VinceMay 17, 2009 8:14 am

    When I saw the title I thought a tribute to John Betjeman, dead 25 years today. It sounds like dirge to the current situation.

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  3. Ian russellMay 17, 2009 8:29 am

    wasn't there some kid playing a banjo?

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  4. AnonymousMay 17, 2009 9:51 am

    i know these shops well. Just such a shop features in Falling Down, staffed by a shaven-headed man. i find the counter staff are often reliably knowledgeable about weaponry, and generally keen to assist.

    i will probably end up running one of these shops eventually.

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  5. BritMay 17, 2009 10:14 am

    Been a while since I've enjoyed a blog post as much as I did that one. 10/10.

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  6. Ian russellMay 17, 2009 12:34 pm

    ...ditto. yeah, I don't know why he writes about the news and celebrity interviews to be honest.

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  7. Gordon McCabeMay 17, 2009 12:44 pm

    Ah, Michael Douglas in Falling Down; what a film!

    The cultural types interpreted it as a deconstruction of the American Dream, but I think it's best treated as a guide and inspiration, worthy of re-enaction.

    And what time of day was this, Bryan? It's crucial, because if that Body-Modification enthusiast hates Man Utd as much as I do, all is explained...

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  8. Susan B.May 17, 2009 1:54 pm

    I'm with Brit, Bryan -- this one is a 10/10. Do you think the two men were both disappointed at the soccer results (Man U's win) and hence "in a world of pain"? Or do you suppose it was something deeper? The man behind the counter's drug-addicted daughter had finally run off with the pimp from Croydon and he feared he'd never hear from again?

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  9. maltyMay 17, 2009 3:29 pm

    Of course it could have been a secret signal, thinking you were undercover DEA and the old man about to offload this weeks consignment....

    Ex army dickie dirt, goin twitchin Bryan, look out for Oddie.

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  10. willMay 17, 2009 5:02 pm

    nice post

    personally, I've always hankered after a crossbow

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  11. SeanMay 17, 2009 9:27 pm

    I would not get too alarmed Bryan, An army surplus store with action men dolls on its website front page sort of gives the game away don't you think?

    If its more than copies of guns and ammo you after, I am your man. Nudge nudge wink wink. :0)

    This is a link

    When you said "gone by June" what exactly did you have in mind?

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