Thursday, November 12, 2009
On Not Being a Gentleman
At the end of his column in the Telegraph, Toby Young tells the story of a man named Bill who gained a poor degree at Brasenose College, Oxford, and was classified by the university's appointments committee as 'not quite' meaning 'not quite a gentleman'. The Bill in question was William Golding who went on to become Brasenose's only ever winner of the Nobel prize. Would the then commitee have changed its mind knowing he was to win the Nobel? Obviously not. Being a gentleman is not conditional on such fripperies. On the other hand, a contemporary committee would be very unlikely to classify anybody as NQG, the term is just too class-laden. This is interesting. I have always been absolutely certain that I am not a gentleman, but I have known a few (Nige is one) - which is just a way of saying I believe in the idea. But what is the idea? Well, as a class distinction, it is somebody who, for example, eats pheasant, has a close relationship with his tailor, takes the weight on his elbows, treats non-gentlemen and women with unwavering courtesy and kills his enemies with immense regret. The pheasant apart, it's a nice package but too specific for me and, in the world in which we now live, it is no use as a defence of the gentleman. Most people will go through life never meeting such a person and, in any case, quite a lot of people who fulfil all those criteria turn out to be absolute swine. After some thought, I have come up with the one qualification that fits men of all classes, though not all creeds. A gentleman is not a fanatic. A fanatic, in this sense, obviously includes militant atheists and creationists and anybody possessed of vulgar certainty, but it also includes those who are fanatical about behaviour. I once wore black suede shoes to a London club and one member told this story for weeks afterwards. This is fanaticism. I would like to think this makes me a gentleman, but I am, alas, prone to red mists of fanaticism, though I never actually believe in this mist. I am working on it, however, and, in time, I hope to be able to look Nige in the eye, gentleman to gentleman.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
It cannot be learnt or 'worked upon'. Nige was born a gent and couldn't be anything else, no matter how hard he worked on that. The collection of mourning mill towns of north-west England never produced a gent yet and, mark my words, it never will. Abandon this futile, foolish dream at once.
ReplyDeleteIt's the trying to be a gentleman that makes one a gentleman. On that score, Bryan, you seem to be well on the way to achieving the status.
ReplyDeleteIf it was innate,Brit, there would be nothing particularly virtuous about it.I've never met Nige but I know he is a gentleman and I'm sure it requires work and constant 'tongue-biting'.
So agree with Bryan on the fanatical certainty. And the red mists, unfortunately. I think true gentlemen are tolerantly intolerant, as opposed to those common creatures of today who appear to rapidly take offence on behalf of others and who seem to me to be intolerantly tolerant.
Anyone who entered this world wearing a cravat. was destined to be a gentleman, silver spoons having become so none u.
ReplyDeleteViva Nancy.
It’s a strange one. I always try to think of myself as a gentleman. I believe I act courteously, cherish kindness in others and try to be kind myself. And I have not a fanatical bone in my body. Disappointed, therefore, that my accent and birth should work against me if, as Brit suggests, no gentlemen ever came from the North West. But if we're not gentlemen, what are we?
ReplyDeleteChippy northern autodidacts, Willard.
ReplyDeleteVery nice of you, Bryan - but I think this fellow is nearer the mark...
ReplyDeleteChippy northern autodidacts, with style, Brit.
ReplyDeleteHmmn, we think we invented it over here but some might say they invented it over there:
ReplyDeleteConfucius said: 'A gentleman needs to have three basic characters, which I have not lived up to. Be benevolent with no worry; be wise with no bepuzzlement; be courageous with no fear.'
I imagine the only way to approach it is to believe that everyone is a gentleman but that, sadly, a few will rule themselves out because they've given in to the temptation to take short cuts, massive short cuts. Would you willingly shake the hand of a traitor, a serial liar or embezzler, or someone who was known for wanton cruelty? Not being a gentleman is probably hard work too.
Isn't it quite straightforward if you take a literal approach?
ReplyDeleteA gentleman is someone who is: considerate or kindly in disposition; amiable, mild and tender, not harsh or severe; chivalrous; and of good family, wellborn.
Those men who fulfill all these criteria except for the last one are known as 'nature's gentlemen'.
Not knowing Nige's antecedents I'm not sure whether his gentlemanliness is qualified or not. Willard, it sounds as if you are one of nature's.
You can't polish a turd, Gaw. A pig wearing lipstick is still a pig, and a chippy northern autodidact wearing a cravat is still a chippy northern autodidact.
ReplyDeleteBrit, you certainly know the way to a man's heart. I've never been described as an unpolished turd before yet, somehow, it fits me so well.
ReplyDeleteI will have that on my gravestone. 'Here lies Willard: unpolished turd to the end'.
De nada, Willard. I'm having "Middle Class Hero" on mine.
ReplyDeleteJust as well Brit, as you've totally discounted any possibility of it reading '...Gentleman'.
ReplyDeleteI know my place.
ReplyDeleteNo, Brit, I insist you have 'Wanderer, poet, and liberator of the seasonal berry'.
ReplyDeleteAs fine a sketch of the gentleman cult as I have seen. Every culture seems to re-invent it while thinking itself as representing new heights of cultivation.
ReplyDeleteEvery age has to devise signalling protocols to maintain distinctions with the new money but in our age of decline perhaps it has become especially poignant. But it does provide the wits with fabulous material to work on. For that we can be truly grateful.
Chris: 'age of decline'? This is the golden age of the gentleman. The model of the gentleman (natural, that is) is now so triumphant, has become so commonplace, that we don't even notice it any more.
ReplyDeleteConsideration rules.
Gentlemen dont use the term LOL
ReplyDeleteFrom John Henry Newman's What is a Gentleman?:
ReplyDelete"He makes light of favours while he does them, and seems to be receiving when he is conferring. He never speaks of himself except when compelled, never defends himself by a mere retort, he has no ears for slander or gossip,is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him,and interprets everything for the best. He is never mean or little in his disputes, never takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personalities or sharp sayings for arguments, or insinuates evil which he dare not say out ...
"He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults, he is too well employed to remember injuries, and too indolent to bear malice. He is patient, forbearing, and resigned on philosophical principles ... If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the blundering discourtesy of better, perhaps, but less educated minds ... He may be right or wrong in his opinion, but he is too clearheaded to be unjust; he is as simple as he is forcible, and as brief as he is decisive.
"Nowhere shall we find greater candour, consideration, indulgence: he throws himself into the minds of his opponents, he accounts for their mistakes. He knows the weakness of human reason as well as its strength, its province and its limits. If he be an unbeliever, he will be too profound and large-minded to ridicule religion or to act against it; he is too wise to be a dogmatist or fanatic in his infidelity. He respects piety and devotion; he even supports institutions as venerable, beautiful, or useful, to which he does not assent; he honours the ministers of religion, and it contents him to decline its mysteries without assailing or denouncing them."
Beautiful, Jonathan, thanks.
ReplyDeleteHe sounds like a right poof.
ReplyDeleteMy father and his father were gentlemen. I don't qualify.
ReplyDeleteGentlemen bloggers... with ads for Domino's Big Smoky pizzas? What is the world coming to?
ReplyDeleteBlogging gentlemen -
ReplyDeleteBlentlemen
My father said that the mark of a true gentleman was one who always helped a lady put her clothes back on, and offered her the taxi fare home. He did say, however that this would not include his brother, the nightclub pianist, who always offered his services as a dresser, but then asked for his taxi fare home.
ReplyDeletejonathan, thanks for that piece on Sir Bobby.
ReplyDelete"Definition of a 'gentleman' - someone who can play the bagpipes but doesn't," - Ronnie Corbett.
ReplyDeleteBy contrast, I can't play the bagpipes but do. I still have much to learn.