Credit Crunch Will Send Zombies Soaring

The screamer in The Daily Mail tells me that 'The Credit Crunch Will Send Crime Soaring'.  Gone are the days when crime was sent soaring by homosexuality, the Germans, immigration, terrorists, high birth rates among the poor, Jews, school food, Norman Lamont, poor hat design, the MMR vaccine and anarchists. Now it's sent soaring by the ol' CC. What the Mail omits, possibly to avoid alarming its readers, is that the CC will also cause an outbreak of two headed babies in Rotherham and a plague of zombies in Peebles. The moon will drip blood and Bill Nighy will be stung to death by a swarm of bees the size of Volkswagens. House prices will fall. But then everything will be all right.