Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Black Cherry Conundrum 2

The incomprehensible products post was a ball that led to a sparkling rally. The aged but alert Intellectual Purity Committee of Thought Experiments has now come up with a final list. But, first, some words of explanation for a few non-inclusions.
Low-fat milk - I prefer it in tea. Manbags - I have one. Inflatable nails - why not? Celery - I like it with cheese. 1915 - ???. The Independent - the one bad review of my book, but a very pleasant interview. Automatic dishwashers - an uncharacteristically Luddite outburst from Gordon. Fruit pastille and wine gum flavours - too hot to handle.
That said, here is the final list in no special order except that mine is first.
1)Black cherry yoghurts.
2)Inflatable hammers.
3)Alcohol-free beer.
4)Fruit beers
5)'Limited editions' of anything.
6)Free range lamb - to which I would add most 'farmers' markets.
7)Non-stick cooking sprays.
9)Blackcurrant Bracer herbal tea. Not, apparently, blackberry, Dulwichmum.
10)Decorative toilet roll cosies. They draw unwelcome attention to the toilet rollness of the concealed object.


  1. manbag! ha ha - so what's in your manbag? (in the style of heat magazine meme. Is it too late to suggest memes?)

    it's the thin edge of the wedge, you know that? one day you'll find yourself down the boozer trying to pay for your round, frantically emptying the contents of a patent leather manbag onto the bar, apologizing to the big bloke behind and assuring the barman you're certain you have the exact money somewhere here...

    notes in the back pocket, loose shrapnel to the front - good enough for my father and his father, good enough for me (whistle).

  2. I like your list, Bryan. The inclusions of sudoku (or however you spell the damned word)and farmers' markets were masterly, if I may say so. Also I, too, am fond of celery with cheese. But your omission of 1915, I have to admit, came as something of a blow. I may need to move to Spa.

  3. you are still guilty of using only the right-sided bracket in lists.

  4. Sorry, Neil. And, Ian, I am not now entirely convinced it's a manbag. It's really a soft brief case with a shoulder strap. Though I confess its resemblance to a brief case is a little remote. I don't use it for regular essentials. They do, indeed, go in pockets.

  5. Inflatable hammer, but not inflatable nails? Absurd!

  6. Coming late to this - but the king of incomprehensible yoghurts is surely hazelnut - how could that ever have made sense to anyone who didn't have prodigious quantities of both yoghurt and hazelnuts to shift?

  7. Hang on - it's obvious isn't it? It's for the squirrels. Bastards.

  8. That sounds like a man bag all right, although I thought that they had wrist straps, not shoulder straps? You know dear heart I think you may just be carrying a hand bag afterall!

  9. Oh well, dear mum, so it is. I am confident enough in my gender location to carry it off.

  10. Does it look like this?

    "Heyyyy! How YOU doing?"

  11. Of course I'm delighted to have had my "limited editions" included in this ground breaking list, but what's with this worrying use of the word "manbag"? What's wrong with that good old fashioned word "scrotum"? To be honest, though, I don't want to know if you've got straps attached to yours. Have you people no dignity?

    I'm reassured, though Bryan, that you've got one but did you really need to announce it to the world? And don't say 'gender location' when surely you mean 'groin'.

    I'm getting terribly confused...

  12. A manbag? Unfuckingreal.

  13. Sorry about the above response; there's no excuse for coarseness. However, when I saw manbag mentioned, I nearly shat myself.

  14. hold up! it's not the gender that's in question. that matter is clear from the ''man'' part of the word. rather it's what sort of man would carry a manbag.

    I think it is connected with the term ''metrosexual'', but I've never quite understood what it means.