Israel Holds the Haircuts

Wonderful news for for all true fans of English football. Yesterday's fantastically dismal performance by the assembled haircuts of the worst football team in the world against Israel can only hasten the day when one of two things must happen. Either the entire team, management and FA hierarchy is sacked and the England team starts again or we abandon international competition, the English game having become entirely unfit to produce a national team. The first would be more satisfying, but the second more honest. The crisis is, however, some way off as the football community is still incapable of grasping the obvious - that our players, though good enough when playing for their clubs, are ridiculously over-rated at the international level and utterly devoid of passion, teamwork, imagination and elementary competences when playing for their country. Steve McLaren will, of course, be sacked soon enough. But, without a revolutionary bloodletting at the highest levels, nothing can possibly change as the national team is now little more than an annoying obligation for the clubs and the players, the latter inhabiting the pitch like whining, fidgeting schoolboys listening to a dull sermon. The fans should be besieging the Football Association, which, since you ask, is located at 25, Soho Square, London, W1D 4FA. The square, with its strange, half-timbered hut and badly weathered statue of Charles II, would make an excellent assembly point and fine dining is readily available nearby.