A Tolerable Equanimity: The List

The academic, military and industrial advisory board of Thought Experiments: The Blog has deliberated and endorsed the final list of rules for sustaining a tolerable equanimity. These are distilled from your submissions and, often, subtly altered to suit my mood. Here they are, wrung from your deepest, bitterest humiliations:

1)Do not rely on the good intentions of any cat.
2)Never heckle a man with a microwave.
3)Do not attempt to flush cellophane.
4)Do not interfere with shower controls in the houses of others and do not handcuff a physicist to said shower.
5)The insultee should expend 50 per cent less energy on being insulted than the insulter does on insulting.
6)Starship captains: do not beam aboard strange devices of unknown origin or purpose or anything lizard-like.
7)Walk everywhere, but look where you are going.
8)After 45 do not trouble yourself with people you don't like. Also attempt to do this before 45 but you will fail.
9)Insist you are right at all times except when you are wrong.
10)If right-handed, do not push your right arm through a window.
11)Use latex rather than oil whenever possible.
12)In Germany on Sunday expect nothing.

Go forth in equanimity.