Friday, March 16, 2007

Dave Barry and the Naming of Horses

I have recently discovered that the sublime Dave Barry has a blog. Yesterday he asked with typical wisdom and acuity: 'Why do some women people cover beds, particularly guest beds, with huge barriers made of colorful pillows that are clearly not meant to be slept on and must be removed before the bed can be used as a bed?' Why indeed? And, while I am on the subject of great mysteries of the world, I want to know: why do race horses have such strange names? I seldom seem to hear of one called Roger, Chris or even Dobbin. Instead, to choose at random from today's Cheltenham Gold Cup runners, they have names like Beef or Salmon, Halcon Generlardais, Forget the Past and Kauto Star. Is this how their trainers and grooms address them? Is this how they address each other? 'So, Halcon Generlardais, how's it hanging?' 'Not too bad, Beef or Salmon, not too bad at all. Yourself?'
Impossible

12 comments:

  1. I reckon it might have something to do with the fact horses don't have surnames. So, if they were given just run-of-the-mill names like Bryan or Brian or Brine, it might get a bit confusing (although Brine might stand out).

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  2. I have had similar thoughts on racehorse names. If I had a horse I would definitely call it something like "Ian".

    I'd love to hear a racing commentator bellowing out: "And on the near side is Ian, closely followed by Steve, and coming up on the far side John is neck and neck with Dave."

    For some unaccountable reason this idea amuses me greatly.

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  3. I've never understood the pillow/cushion thing either and it is a great sadness to me that my sister-in-law, whom I believed to be immune to the siren-call of soft furnishings, has succumbed in her spare room.

    Referring to your second point, her husband's (shared) racehorse is named Melvino in honour of their understanding bank-manager.

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  4. The siren-call of soft furnishings is an uncommonly lovely phrase, Sophie.

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  5. Dave Barry - thank you for the reminder.

    It's been a long time.

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  6. Another mystery: why does the soap in gym showers always look like sperm and smell like coconuts?

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  7. For crying out loud, I'm having my lunch!

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  8. Because the other way round causes too many complaints.

    Why is a raven like a writing desk?

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  9. Why did the natives in King Kong build a huge fence to keep Kong out and then put a gate in big enough for Kong?

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  10. why is a raven like a writing desk? And because, Sand, it looked better I guess

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  11. I must be losing it! When I first saw the post I read it as Dave Berry. I thought, I wonder if he mentions what's happened to the Cruisers. Then I realized.

    Still for a while I got quite excited.

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  12. If Dick Francis is to be believed, the grooms, etc., who actually deal with the horses one-on-one call them by exactly the sort of names you're looking for: Patches or Socks, for example. Of course, if Dick Francis is to be believed, vets are always nobbling the favorite by giving him untraceable drugs in the horse van.

    The odd official names result from (1) owning a race horse appealing only to the vain or those with bad impulse control; and (2) a tradition that a horse's name should refer to its parents' names. So, here, for example, the child of Runaway Groom and Cherokee Dame is Cherokee Run, and its child with Dancing Naturally (itself the offspring of Fred Astaire and Emy's A Natural) is Bare Dancer.

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