Friday, August 01, 2008
Blogger Sacks Commenters Shock
Oh and, incidentally, I have decided to sack all my commenters. You are not fulfilling your quotas. Comments are now merely dribbling in. I know it's summer but this is not good enough. Without comments I feel lonely and not a little insane. I know you're out there, I have stats. You have 24 hours to atone, after that you're out on the streets.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
I'm trying sir. I really am. The tube in the mornings is sapping my will to live, however.
ReplyDeleteThat and every idiot client on holiday feeling I would appreciate their unfiltered comments from their Blackberrys.
I'll leave a comment if only to say thank you, Bryan, for your kind words. I hope to be back in future days leaving my usual high quality remarks.
ReplyDeleteThis is totally unfair. I am new to this blog having only stumbled across it yesterday (though being an appreciative reader of your fine words for many a year). I commented yesterday and I'm commenting today so please don't lump me in with that other lot.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you expect when you go on a trip and leave us alone for more then a week?
ReplyDeleteWe have feelings to, you know.
i'm trying not to get sacked for abusing the internet otherwise i would as usual soil your blog with my attentions.
ReplyDeleteshut it, and give us the money!
ReplyDeleteToby Young over on The Spectaor has been moaning about comments.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/868951/toby-young-takes-on-the-commenters.thtml
You think your lot are slackers! Stakhanovites compared to my commenters. Quality though, all of them.
ReplyDeleteThe problem may be that a lot of commenters are sort of wondering why you are the only ST writer not to have a new photograph printed to go with the papers new image, and maybe something is up? Such a nice one of Rod Liddle, so cuddly, and AA Gill .. well. India looks well hard though.
ReplyDeleteGive us something to comment on then, you slacker. I'm bored of hearing about your boots and wondering if you're getting buggered up a back street in Albania.
ReplyDeleteMy wife is the biggest WIRE fan in the world. We don't watch TV any more - just box sets. I agree that the WIRE is excellent but I think it might just get pipped by 'Deadwood'. Which is dead good.
ReplyDeleteIt's 40 years since the 'White' album was released: was it any good? Mine has a very interesting number - got three 6's in it.
ReplyDeleteI've been sacked before, a couple of times, but managed to get over it, tho' it took time, and a lot of strong drink. This all seems a bit petulant and sulky Bryan - I can almost picture you stamping your feet. Or is it that, like penguins and Ulrika Jonsson, you are devoted to your partners, but are only prepared to remain loyal to them through one breeding cycle?
ReplyDeleteI could indulge in some premium grade sucking-up now, in an effort to stay on side, but a quick check on my comments will confirm that I'm not able to put you on the pedestal that some of your commentators find easy to construct under you. I am a man, and men don't do that stuff
You're right we are out here enjoying the fruits of your labours. But this weather is not conducive...
ReplyDeleteBryan - what are you views on dialects?
ReplyDeleteWe're all waiting -- tense, hunched, barely able to talk to our families let alone post a comment -- for your big spread on the neglected classics of the Albanian modern movement in Sunday's culture section.
ReplyDeleteDo I need any more evidence that some of you gentlemen are, to say the least, a little addicted psychologically?
ReplyDeleteFor whether you finally crack and are taken to the Wellington Hospital suffering from repetitive attention deficiency psychosis, or die from a cocktail of heroin, cocaine, marijuana, speed and Valium is pretty much the same thing. You have become dependent, my dear sirs, even addicted to the almost hourly 'fix' of being presented with a another commentary-dopamine rush - get a life, gentlemen, get laid, f*** a duck, do something real for a change...
For instant confirmation see Bryan Appleyard’s excellent: “The digital age is destroying us“:
http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article4362950.ece
D.
0oops.....:
ReplyDelete...it won't take the link?!
Beginning to relent.....
ReplyDeleteDoes this count?
ReplyDeleteSelena sounds feisty. Do you do visits?
ReplyDeleteWould you like some of my commentators? i can't blog much at present so they're no doubt restless. You can have Anon, who believes the Roman Catholic church invented Islam, that Hitler & Stalin were Jesuit-trained, that a Jesuit priest wrote Mein Kampft and the Theory of Relativity, etc., etc. i also have a bipolar manic depressive who thinks he's God.
ReplyDeleteCould come in handy, Elbers.
ReplyDeleteCrikey - I've been bombarded with requests by email from Lloyds bank this morning. They're having a bit of a security alert and have asked for my bank details. Say what you like about the internet, they wouldn't have been able to get in touch with me so quickly without it. Good old Lloyds.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that this internet thing's working well for you, George Street. I've had a stroke of good fortune this morning in the form of an email from, ahem, a Nigerian chap...Let's just say that things are looking up.
ReplyDeleteWell, damn, I feel like an unsung heroine! I am always commenting, but half the time I am the LAST commenter and no one says anything, including the blog master who's craving these comments. I wonder if I come off like the idiot at the dinner party who got the wrong end of the conversation: "Ashbery, strawberry, what? Yes, I'll take whipped cream on it, thanks."
ReplyDeleteNow that lawyer guy Philip the Mean is gonna come on and say something nasty about me in partic. and Americans in general.
Sigh.
Can't win.
Selena, knew someone who tried to f*** a duck once, 2 weeks later he got the bill.
ReplyDeleteTime for something controversial, then. Courtesy of, surprise, the internet.
ReplyDeleteMore ironing advice
"A tip on ironing pure cotton clothing. First, you sprinkle the garment. Lay it on your kitchen table, and take your hand and put it into a bowl of water and then sprinkle water gently on to the garment getting it damp, not wet.Then roll the garment up and put it into a plastic bag. Stick in the fridge for half hour or so, though it can be left for days and be perfectly safe."
So is this the real reason posh people in big houses have huge fridges - because they have more shirts than us regular folk and, what's more, they can afford to leave them in the salad box for days on end? If sorting this one out doesn't force people's dopamine controversy receptors into a riot of activity, I don't know what will.
The wife and me had an argument about ironing. Three months ago. It ended with me throwing the iron into the back yard. It's still there. Our relationship is in no way under threat, and we get along fine: but there's always the iron in the yard. I don't know how to resolve this.
ReplyDeleteThere's a notable dearth of lol's and smiley faces in your blog posts. Heavier deployment of such will serve to set your readers at their ease, which will surely issue in comments.
ReplyDeletelol lol :)
i usually wear Primark shirts but bought a posh one the other day, to go with my swanky waistcoats. i realised i'd have to iron it and since i can't iron that means i'll wear it once and then never again.
ReplyDeletei have tried to learn about ironing but i don't got the knack, i reckon because my mother was unkind and so i have excessive raging phallus power and zero sensitivity or empathy or ironing ability.
A sad but increasingly common tale in Nu Labour's Britain.
Self-inflicted wound, I'd say. You can't say we didn't try to help. "Bryan", we said, "give us more posts on science vs. religion. We don't much care which side you come down on, who you call stupid or how egregiously you misrepresent history, we'll be there with comments by the gross". And what do you give us? Kinky Friedman!!
ReplyDeleteOK, last chance. Why not take a cue from elberry, give us some delicious erotica and then run a series of posts on whether sex sells blogs.
I've only been sacked once in my life when I worked briefly for Majestic Wine in London. My manager couldn't really get to grips with what I was doing there as I was quite a lot older than the other employees and not terribly biddable. The truth was that I had come back from a year off travelling and needed to earn some money pronto. I was called in to see the area manager one day and he told me they were going to have to let me go. When I asked why, he said "John [the store manager] says you keep looking at him like you want to tell him to fuck off". John was clearly a good reader of body language but I can assure you, Bryan, that although you can't see me I don't feel the same way about you.
ReplyDeleteI sacked an apprentice once, for being seen on TV on a right to work march, he said he was sick, he was when I gave him his P45.
ReplyDeletesusanb, you must have a quiet word with Alan Greenspan or Sidney Greenstreet or Lorne Green or whoever it is orders time in the USA, the problem is that you're out of sinc with proper (GMT) time, have it corrected and you can become an early commenter, or move over here, things can only get better.
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ReplyDeletebut half the time I am the LAST commenter and no one says anything, including the blog master who's craving these comments
ReplyDeleteAnd the other half the time, it is likely to be me who is the last one, living in the Pacific Time Zone as I do. Soliloquies are not my thing, however.
You can't get rid of us that easily, Bryan.
ReplyDeleteOh all right, you can keep your jobs.
ReplyDelete“Selena sounds feisty. Do you do visits?”
ReplyDelete...for terms and conditions see:
PROSTITUTION
D.
It's the heat has us all beaten down. However this will cheer you up "thanks for pointing the Bryan Appleyard blog out again, it's so readable, even the readers' comments are intelligible." (from my house mate)
ReplyDeleteRemarkable. When some people seek more attention, they get even less.
ReplyDeleteEvidently not in your case, my Lord:)
I wish to make good use of this 42nd comment to say ‘mallards’.
ReplyDeleteIntelligent, wry, and with a touch of ennui: it’s undoubtedly the kind of comment you’re seeking.
This post has achieved a momentum of Archeresque proportion, quantitatively speaking. Remarkably, unlike Geoff's blag/blog, more than one person participated, not one (as far as can be ascertained) a close member of the Appleyard family. It may be possible of course that the bloke off the telly is the Au Pair, sort of a close family member, additionally elberry could well be their chauffeur, and as we all know Nige is his Aunty Betty from Catford where every Tuesday and Thursday she meets Selena in the Railway tavern, when they both finish working down the dogs.
ReplyDeleteMalty, dear boy, I'm thinking about your duck. It's been done -- by Richard Burton. Not the Welsh actor, but Richard Francis Burton, the African explorer who translated the Kama Sutra. He had quite a thing for Muscovy ducks. I think of him, in fact, every time I make seared Muscovy duck breasts with fig sauce. What I think is that I'm glad I'm in charge of every step of the process so I know what EXACTLY is seasoning the fowl.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Malty: I'd been thinking your moniker had something to do with a certain malted brew those in the British Isles are inordinately fond of. But now that I know you're a climber, I'm thinking "Maltese FALCON." Which is it, if you don't mind saying?
See, I'm gonna be the last commenter again. At least until tomorrow, unless Randy is home tonight and cruising the blogosphere.
Bryan: Hub and I begin watching Season One of "The Wire" tonight. To whom do we owe the desire? Why you, of course.
When I found out that you slept with Paris Hilton during your trip to California, I lost all respect for you. Reading your blog is hard enough now. Forget leaving comments.
ReplyDelete