Monday, August 25, 2008

The Diet Monster

At my birthday festivities following the Stiffkey Fete I was, of course, desperate to engage my guests in discussions of Wittgenstein's private language argument and the late poetry of Wallace Stevens. This turned out to be little more than a pious hope. For what was the only thing these cultivated, witty folk wanted to discuss? My frigging diet, that's what! I have created a monster that is taking over my life. I'm thin, okay, get used to it. Actually, I'm considering getting fat just to shut people up.


  1. I have read someplace or another that by the age of 40 a man should have decided on the beer wine argument. Well nowadays that advice must read 60. Anyhoos, in a man there is a nasty little hang over from the days of the hunt/gather. A membrane, which lays down fat with the dedication of a Canadian oil-sands excavator. It lays mostly at the gut, but also and more worrying on the vital bits like the heart and kidneys.
    In the days when your diet was the only option around, this kept you alive when with the snow on the ground the fresh fillet was running faster than you.
    I am not saying that your diet does not work, what I am saying is that you have to be way more careful for the normal pointers -the belly projecting beyond the belt- will not show a wall of fat on the heart. And you better soon decide that you like the diet or not, for that little membrane will do the deciding for you.
    Devany is gripped by his diet, as yet you are not, but hay ho as they say.
    Oh, should you continue, you must remember that beer wine and all the other lovely tipples are 5%, 11-13%, 40% of pure sugar.
    And Happy Birthday, sorry I missed it yesterday.

  2. I think you should just hand out the celery sticks, say "Actions speak louder than words," then insist on another topic. If you're like most famous writers I know, you'll be wanting to talk about your latest article or book. Or rather, you'll be wanting everyone else to want to talk about it.

    Sorry, that was kind of mean. But I do know an awful lot of egocentric writers. ("That's enough of me talking about me. What do YOU think of me?") You, however, did come off as quite modest on the Punch (er, Richard) and Judy show.

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