Sunday, March 16, 2008

Balls is Prescott

Ever since the Today programme on Friday March 7th, Ed Balls, our Secretary of State for Schools, Family and Children, has been destroying my concentration. He runs through my head like a cheap tune whose title I can't remember. He has come up in almost every conversation I've had. I am now thinking of stopping people in the street and saying 'That Ed Balls eh....'. I'm pretty sure what will follow is that now familiar explosion of anger beginning, 'That bastard, he.....!'. The first problem is that Balls is so flagrantly not cut out to be a politician. His appearance on that Today show was heroically incompetent. John Humphrys sliced, diced and sauteed the poor fool so effectively that I began to sorry for him in spite of the fact that he appeared to be doing to A levels what he has done to everything else he touches - ballsing them up. The second problem is that he exudes invincible arrogance. As I think I have said before, he has a 'Wapshott' face in which a certain airy blandness is combined with a shadowy smirk suggesting absolutely groundless faith in his own intellectual powers. There is something so utterly tasteless about the man. Look, for example, at the house he owns in Castleford - it appears to have no windows which may explain why he blinks so much when he goes outside. The point is, I now realise, that he is John Prescott's replacement. Prezza was employed by Blair and Brown to be so perfectly ridiculous that he made them look good. Ever since his departure, the government has been dangerously exposed. But now Balls has risen to such prominence, now he is routinely blamed for everything from bad schools to bad weather, he has become the new Prescott. Normal service has been resumed.


  1. If Balls is Prescott, does it mean that when the PM goes on holiday he'll be in charge? (Also, will he go around punching members of the public?)

  2. The fact that he's married to Yvette Cooper ought to make everyone feel sorry for him

  3. Balls's 'invincible arrogance' can be traced back to his education. He attended the same school I did (although well before me) - the single-sex, fee-paying Nottingham High School. If that place does anything well, it's in turning out a conveyor belt of young men with quite epic (and almost always missplaced) self-belief. Ken Clarke and D.H. Lawrence are alumni.

    I think I got by mainly by avoiding rugby and hiding in the music department.

    Of course, Balls would have been sent there near the end of Callaghan's tenure because the local state schools were, as they are now, little more than criminal training facilities.

    I look forward to seeing where his own kids end up once his schools masterplan has been implemented.

  4. Gordon doesn't do holidays, Dr H, so the problem won't arise. Holidays are for lesser men.

  5. Bryan,
    your remarks about Balls (or should it be Ballses) arrogance, brings up again what is for me, one of the deepest mysteries of the past decade.
    How can it be that so much ignorance is allied to total arrogance ? The two seem to go hand in hand.
    MPs are only one branch of the family, this condition afflicts all walks of life.
    By ignorance I do not mean lack of education, some of the most ignorant people I have ever met have been very well educated.
    It is not the arrogance of Mussolini,or misc. defence barristers, the ranting, strutting, comic posturing
    they so excel at is as obvious as the baddies in 1950`s cowboy movies all wearing black. Mind you Musso was pants at it whilst upside down.

    A very good example is the article in todays Sunday Times by David Owen.
    He gives an absolutely spot on appraisal of that lying maniac Blair,
    basically saying that, well, actually, he`s a megalomaniac.
    Here is a man, once our leader, who performed sodomy upon his country for 10 years, aided by his missus, Monstatos. Were I he, I would never again have the temerity to speak in public.

    I have just realised what it is.......Temerity.

  6. He looks like he's on ecstasy every time i see him.

  7. Prescott was like Talleyrand next to Balls. At least he had roots in the Party and knew when Blair and Brown got out of hand. A crap manager and unfit to run a department, but more politcally astute than you think. Balls is an uppity modern Crosland/Shirley Williams type - middle class wankers who got rid of grammar schools and thus ruined the life chances of poorer folks.

  8. Probably a very good point, Patrick Perhaps Balls is a deliberate attempts to create somebody worse than Prezza.