'I am a free spirit': I suffer from crippling, infantile narcissism. Best to count your forks after I leave.
'I go with the flow': I am a free spirit (see above) and my pathological selfishness prevents me from observing elementary social niceties.
'I read Gertrude Himmelfarb': I am, like all neocons, an unreconstructed Trotskyist and, anyway, I am Prime Minister.
'I work for the BBC': I am terrified of any challenge to my comfortably conventional views and I must, therefore, pretend to be impartial. (Thanks to Nick Cohen.)
A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
Green Economy: I care about our planet enough to make a profit from it.
ReplyDelete'I hear what you're saying'. And am taking no notice of it.
ReplyDelete'Your call is important to us.' Your ordeal has barely begun...
"I must be true to myself" --I'm leaving my family for my assistant.
ReplyDelete"I'm getting in touch with my inner child"--I've lost touch with my real ones.
"I'm working on my self-esteem"--I no longer care whether I bore you or not.
It is interesting that you mention spoons - my new novel which is being hawked around Grub Street as we speak touches on the history of playing the spoons.
ReplyDelete'You could be paying too much for your current service provider'. You could be getting a lot less from us.
ReplyDelete'This offer is only available if you agree right now, over the phone'. You don't know who I am and you can't prove nothing.
'You're not interested? That's fine, thank you for your time'. We'll call again next week and, hopefully, speak to your wife.
'Brrrbbb, gllp, herrupp, mr. rooslie? flleep nimpoty doop? Naaaa- baaaa talktalktariff'. Neither of us understands what the other is telling them but I'm incredibly off-the-radar cheap and, by the quirks of international telecom law, you're paying for this call.
"I'm entitled to my opinion" - I am incapabable of reason or logic.
ReplyDelete"I'm not two-faced"/ "What you see is what you get with me" - this entitles me to be extremely rude to you.
"I don't believe in any particular religion but I am a very spiritual person" - I am unashamed to talk bollocks at great length.
You old cynics! Would you prefer instead to be captive spirits swimming against the tide, and too tired by both to care about anything? There's nothing wrong with going with the flow. It's called relaxing.
ReplyDeleteTime to let go and move on: Time to dump then in it and run.
I take people as I find them: I am a psychopath.
We take very seriously ... : We have been caught with our trousers down.
Free Trade: Slave Trade.
'I think, therefore I am' : The QCDOC supercomputer gets cocky.
ReplyDeleteits me again (Malty)
ReplyDelete"I did not have sex with that woman"
"Well, actually, my cigar did, then she gave me a blow job, then I had a wank in a sink"
Information taken from Sally Bedell-Smiths exellent book....
For Love of Politics
The Clintons in The White House
"I'm sorry you feel that way." I"m not apologizing for the rotten thing I did.
ReplyDelete'Service not included.' True.
ReplyDelete