Since I published my sensational Nut Diet, I have become a globally-recognised authority - pundit, if you will - on the subject of fat. Duty now requires me to keep you, dear readers, at the cutting edge of fat studies, sometimes called obesiology. So, from Korea, we hear of the creeping scourge of 'hidden fat'. People can be fatty, even though they are not fat, because of fat build-ups around their organs. The irony. This, like everything else, can be cured by the Nut Diet. Meanwhile, an American study has found that lesbians are twice as likely to be obese as heterosexual women. Er... hmmm... er ... let me see.... No, there's nothing I can or dare say about that, though, as ever, the Nut Diet might help.
Coming soon: a fat case study of Paul Wolfowitz, how large hair and anxiety can augment the effects of the Nut Diet.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
I think all this writing about fatties is your body subconsciously telling you that man can not live on nuts alone. Are you a secret CR faddist?
ReplyDeleteGood grief, no, Johnny. I've met lots of those CR guys and they are, apart from being thin, often quite irritating. Nuts alone is not my programme, it's more a case of nuts instead.
ReplyDeleteHow about a study on Wolfowitz: how being a servant of evil can boost your bank balance.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried the celery-and-black-cherry-yoghurt diet?
ReplyDeleteAfter only seven days I managed to lose 2 stone and the will to live.
Brilliant, Brit, a no-brainer, bound to work. And who needs a will to live?
ReplyDeletei guess that lesbians don't eat nuts.
ReplyDeleteCould be, Alf, could be.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit slow Bryan. I don't usually deal in ideas but my mate at the garage told me about you.
ReplyDeleteSlow? Why? The nuts-lesbians things seemed spot-on. And what garage?
ReplyDeletewhat? are you saying that you hadn't thought of that? cor lumme, that's made my day. the garage - oh it's just the garage in kentish town where us blokes repair cars and tune into to your blog at break time.
ReplyDeleteKnowing what I do about English cuisine, couldn't one acheive the same results on a Marmite diet?
ReplyDeleteApparently not, Duck. A recent study shows just one bite of marmite releases an uncontrollable urge to gorge on deep-fried Mars bars. Can't imagine why.
ReplyDeleteThe celery diet would be more beneficial than the nut one, because as we probably mostly know, eating celery is an activity that results in weight-loss as the calories gained from the celery are less than those lost in the celery-eating. This of course leads to the sometimes heard vocal exclamation, "You stupid celery-eating shithead."
ReplyDeleteThis in turn is sometimes responded to with the sharp one-liner, "Yeah, it has very little in the way of calories but that doesn't mean it's without nutritional value such as anti-inflammatory nutrients, including Vitamin K, Folate and Beta Carotene."
ReplyDeleteI just don't get this celery loathing. Cheese needs it
ReplyDeleteNonsense. Cheese is quite capable of looking after itself.
ReplyDelete(Except where it forms a strategic alliance with Branston pickle.)
I've given you a chance, and I'm surprised none of you have objected to the big flaw with my diet...
ReplyDelete(The dreadful wastage of all the strawberry, raspberry and apricot yoghurts you have to buy to get the black cherry ones.)
All this talk of nuts... I can't help fearing that the squirrels have got to you as well, Bryan.
ReplyDeleteThis blog isn't safe anymore.
I have a horrifying vision of life-size squirrels (of the Trigger Happy variety) coming to take Bryan away as he tries to fend them off (with truffles, not nuts!)
ReplyDeleteWhaddya mean lesbians don't have nuts? They're bigger than yours are, mate!
ReplyDelete