Friday, May 11, 2007

Nige The Musical

A story caught my eye last night (don't, please, ask for a link) that audience members at a West End musical had rushed, screaming, to the exits in the course of a performance. At last, I thought - an appropriate response to the horrors of the modern stage 'musical'. But it turned out that these were sensitive souls scared by the Orcs in the musical of Lord Of The Rings. Yes, Lord Of The Rings - first the interminable books, then the interminable films, now the soddin musical. Whereas once all art aspired to the condition of music, now, it seems, all art - all life, all everything - aspires (or rather despires) to the condition of the musical. Just as the things we all know to be the case cannot actually be so until they have been endorsed by 'scientific research' - so nothing in life or art is fully achieved, fully real, until it has been turned into a 'musical'. (The case of The Producers is an example of this madness in extreme form - from near-classic film about staging a musical, to a stage musical, to a rubish film of the stage musical.) It wouldn't be so bad if the modern 'musical' lived up to its name, but this it clunkingly, hideously fails to do. Maybe the fact is that this most debased and stupid art form is the perfect expression of our debased and stupid culture? I rather fear so...
Another story also caught my eye - that the latest Shrek movie is getting lukewarm audience responses. Only one thing for it - Shrek The Musical, coming soon to the West End. Wayne Rooney, this is your appointment with destiny.


  1. You've spurred me into mental action again, Nige, and one doesn't like to boast. but I think I may have surpassed even myself.
    Think Cosby Show.
    Think musical.
    Think Cosby Show- The Musical. And if that were not enough, here comes the really brilliant bit: Have the black characters played by white people like so.
    I can envisage a bit of noise from the lunatic PC fringe(I have a prophetic mind), but it can be explained to them that for some reason white people tend to be more convincing playing black people than black people themselves. One thinks of Olivier as Othello. Anyway, all publicity is good publicity. If you can drum up the financial backing, I'll write the script. Appleyard can stoke the fires of public enthusiasm using his newspaper clout.

  2. Andrew you have indeed excelled yourself this time! I think I cld get some serious interest from Les Dennis - maybe even Barrymore. Genius.

  3. Delighted you're interested, Nige. I'm more of an ideas man so I'll let you look after the details like casting. For some reason I do like the idea of Gordon Brown playing a gardener though.

  4. Inspired again Andrew - let's hope he can spare the time from Blair The Musical (in production).

  5. One thing strikes me that of the main three behind this, Bryan A is the only one with any real reputation to lose, so with that in mind, he might baulk at the idea of being our public voice, so to speak. If he does show signs of trepidation, just feed him some bullshit about this being "an issue of freedom of speech that affects us all." This can also be used as bait for financial support from the wider population-"supporting a great cause", etc. And beyond that, that one's attendance of this play is "a triumph for democracy." This gambit probably to be spared for the Broadway run.

  6. Another thought: Cast Noel Edmonds as the title role in Blair The Musical. Not sure if he can act but perhaps only he could play the part with the right sense of gravitas.

  7. Ah yes, I'm loving the Noel Edmonds idea - and I'm seeing Russell Brand as Peter Mandelson…

    J Cheever L'hole

  8. A holy alliance, surely, J Cheever. Western civilization would have reaced its apotheosis.