Oscar the Serial Killer

My feelings about spitballs - cats to all you weak-minded types - are well known, as is my conviction that their saliva-soaked fur will, one day, be the death of me. Not only that - this death by anaphylatic shock will, in fact, be murder. The cats know exactly what they are doing. I know when I rant on these matters, people tap their heads with their forefingers when I am not looking. But, I tell you, I am not mad and here is hard evidence. This Oscar is said to know when nursing home patients are going to die. He sniffs them and, if he detects imminent death, lies down beside them. Dr David Dosa at Brown University seems very excited about this and says relatives 'appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved ones.' Dr Dosa is, of course, the victim of a false correlation. He sees a cat detecting a dying patient, I see a cat choosing patients to kill. Dr Dosa may be on the brink of understanding this. 'This is not a cat that's friendly to people,' he observes. He can say that again.