As a tribute to Richard Madeley my new celebrity commenter - and yes, it really does seem to be him - I have posted my profile of Richard & Judy in Selected Articles. Richard seems to be new to blogging. For my American readers, Richard & Judy is best translated as Oprah & Winfrey. Richard, as I make clear in the article, is not of this world.
A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
Bryan, watch your step with our Richard; he's lost some of his innocence since your interview in 2003. The lack of postings this morning suggests to me that the bugger put in a virus with his name, and every click has resulted in an Appleyard ex-blogger. We in the family were amazed to hear he'd posted some profound statement about Ingmar; Ingrid, maybe, but then we all felt his finest moment of artistic appreciation was his tribute to Ali G. But there you go, what a rascal he is. I wish I'd been blessed with half his looks, but if I had, he'd say 'Feel blessed, be thankful!'
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a proliferation of Madeleys. What relation are you, JWH?
ReplyDeleteDistant cousin, Bryan. And I like it like that. I'll never forgive him for his comment when I introduced myself as 'long lost' at Granada's Liverpool studios. He said, without any suggestion of doubt in his mind, "You're not very good looking are you. I simply don't believe you, bugger off! But, anyway, what I'd do for even a quarter of his looks!
ReplyDeleteI seem to have stumbled into Madeley family matters. Funny what happens on blogs.
ReplyDeleteBryan. I now believe that any further debate should be held elsewhere. Richard's funny like that. He's likely to insist " If you've got something to say, then say it to my face, but keep your distance, your breath may cause enough air turbulence to disturb this devil-may-care look."
ReplyDeleteI'm going now,Bryan, but I am may return under the pseudonym 'Distant Cousin of the Divine One' Great blog by the way; much better than his!
Bryan, thank you for the link and the generous profile.
ReplyDeleteBut what’s with the rest of you? Talk about hosility.
Ian, I've not disabled your back button. I would never disable your back button. I wouldn’t even know how. Like the plumbing, electrical wiring, and plastering, I leave technical matters to Judy. And please don’t call me a dick. I might be good looking but I do have feelings.
JWH Madeley, you remind me that even a man as talented as I can choose my friends but not my relatives. What have I done to offend you? Is it the fame? The beautiful wife? The photographic memory and ability to ad lib on any subject at a moment’s notice? And what’s with your petty remark, ‘Great blog by the way; much better than his!’. Bryan’s been doing this much longer than I have. He’s a literary lion. I’m a TV presenter and new to blogging. I thought I’d done quite well. My piece on genital boomarangs has been well received and my campaign to inoculate sparrows against cresistic mange has made the papers. What more could I achieve in seven days?
Thanks to you, I might not update today. I might never update again. Judy said that bloggers give her the creeps and now I understand why. Not a word of thanks and nothing but snide remarks.
I’m hurt and feel terribly misunderstood.
Cruel place Blogland, Richard. But don't give up. It also has wonders.
ReplyDeletebryan, I hope you're not just plugging Richard so he and Judy put your book on their summer reading list dear
ReplyDeleteThat will never happen, so no
ReplyDeletedon't mind me. navigation aids are important to web accessibility. your site, your responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I know the name 'Richard Madeley', but I'm not really up to speed on who he is or what he's done. However, I don't want to discourage you. Many of my best friends are housewives, students and unemployed.
Bryan, I'll see what I can do about getting you on our book club but it would help if you could write something a bit more sentimental. Judy suggests you lose an arm and write about that but she does have a thing for stories about amputees.
ReplyDeleteIan, you can be so cutting but I still have no idea what you're on about. Perhaps you could explain what I'm supposed to have done to your browser. Otherwise you might as well accuse me of half a dozen other things for which I'm equally innocent. Don't make me do my Ali G on your ass.
Hi everybody! Having fun are we? Bryan, great work. Your Sunday Times piece is magnificent.
ReplyDeleteRichard, if it's any comfort I read your blog last night and I loved it, especially the part about the polar bears. And your test for how to make wet things not feel wet must be a planet Znarg original. That made me happy.
Does all this talk of back buttons seem a bit unsavoury to anyone else?
Ah, Richard: I have a "Grumpy Old Men" DVD on which you rant most intriguingly. You were one of my favorites among the grumpies; right up there with Will Self and Bob Geldof.
ReplyDeleteAre they still making that series? I'm an American and only bought it 'cause my hero Bill Nighy had a credit on it. Alas, he said next to nothing, but the rest of you guys were funny and rude.
Just back from my latest botox session; usually forehead feels fine, but today it's like its been peppered with a thousand tacks fired from a blunderbuss. I'd ask Richard for an explanation for the phenomenon, but he'd deny any knowledge of Botox and tell me to put it down to global warming.
ReplyDeleteI didn't expect to have to reply today. I was hoping Richard, with his fame, fortune, Judy, and, of course, the looks, would have had the decency to totally ignore the inoffensive aside about the comparative standing of the two blogs (Anyway, who gives a toss about cresistic mange? Oh God, I can just hear smart-arse replying, with that insufferable arrogance: "20 million sparrows, mate, that's who!).Why doesn't he just glory, in silence, over my pining for a quarter of his physical attributes. If I pleaded for a measly eighth, he'd still be whinging.
Bryan, your North American readers, especially those east-coast intellectuals, must be baffled by all this, but as an aid to perception of pure physical beauty, I offer this, and in offering it, I suffer : if you were able to bring together the best of Clooney, Pitt, Depp and Lopez, you'd have something very close to RM.
Even after a tribute like that, he'll still be saying "That tosser JWH. If I'd had the presence of mind back in Liverpool, I'd have kicked him into the fucking Mersey."
Susan, I was totally misled regarding the series 'Grumpy Old Men'. They told me I was shooting interviews for the Miss World pageant I'd been asked to host and which had a misanthropy theme that year. The result was not my finest hour and I’ve told the show’s producers to contact Bryan and Nige if they require more of the same.
ReplyDeleteJWH Madeley, with such a reply, how could I not thank you, say that you're welcome, and add that it's an honour for you to call me cousin. Come here, cousin. Big hug.
I'll have you know, Richard Madeley has taught me everything I know about crazy paving and making lamps out of wine-bottles. He is a very clever man.
ReplyDeleteRichard, I usually hand grumpy over to Nige. His views are all out of date but his prejudices are highly entertaining.
ReplyDeleteSwearing Mother, crazy paving ? Where's the skill in that ? In about ten minutes, you can throw down 200 chunks of randomly shaped concrete, quickly followed by a very large bucket of sloppy mortar, and bingo, another once-green garden is contributing to flash flooding.
ReplyDeleteJWH, must you always downplay my achievements? This envy does you no credit. Now do you see why I only consider you a minor relative? What you're describing is 'random' paving, which is something quite different to crazy paving. You have to embrace insanity to really understand the rules.
ReplyDeleteRM, You have no idea of the pain suffered by one so callously dismissed as 'a minor relative.'
ReplyDeleteI believe there is a strong rumour within the BBC that you are wanted as a subject for a future series of 'Who Do You Think You Are?' Well, when the team of researchers start tracking our blood line back to the Norman Conquest, and I'm approached for a contribution, I'll say "forget it, if there's one person alive who knows precisely who he is, it's Richard Madeley!"
With that, I wish you a less than fond goodbye, and express the hope that you are satisfied now that the greatest of blog leaders is, on his own touching admission, bemused by the day's events.
jwh madeley, my understanding was that Richard was offered a special episode in fact, called 'Do you know who I am?' in which he researches how many of his relatives will not pretend not to recognise him because he has called them 'minor' or somne other sleight in the past
ReplyDeleterilly super, my understanding of that particular rumour was that he thought they wanted him for an episode of 'I can be whatever you want me to be - Easy!' But apparently he backed out when BBC execs. said they wanted him to be a Monk in Tintagel for a week.
ReplyDelete