Thursday, July 05, 2007

How to Do Everything

While exiled by Blogger, I worked, for lack of anything better to do. Now, of course, I have returned to the condition of what Conan Doyle was fond of calling an 'idle loafer'. This morning, however, I have discovered - with a flash of inspiration akin to the one which struck Annie Besant when she first met H.P.Blavatsky at 17 Lansdowne Road in the spring of 1889 (I told you I worked) - wikiHow. This is an encyclopaedia of how to do things. Already I have discovered how to introduce two birds to each other, how to survive a nuclear war and how to say the most common words in Farsi, a skill I fear may come in handy in the near future. I am also delighted to have learned how to say 'Where is the bathroom?' in several different languages. English is omitted for some reason, but, FYI, the correct translation is, of course, 'Where's the toilet?'

10 comments:

  1. So "dos cervezas por favor" is no longer enough of a survival kit? Oh well. It's hard not to warm to a site that includes an article on How to Make Your Ferret Happy ("Know that if you have two ferrets, you can do the "double dook". An alternative is to get one ferret all happy and duking, place said ferret on top of calm ferret. Enjoy.") - essential pre-match prep for the Longstock Ferret Races, I imagine. And since another article recommends that you take a shower every day with a monkey, perhaps "Where's the bathroom?" is indeed the correct term.

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  2. You're writing some kind of history of the occult?

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  3. I just clicked your WikiHow link and it said 'WikiHow is unavailable'.

    How come?

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  4. No, Andrew. That history has been done many times and requires the reading of some of the most boring stuff ever written. This was a red herring, something that came up when I was looking into something quite different

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  5. But along with some of the most boring stuff ever written, you'd have the added spice of encountering some of the largest egos ever inflated.

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  6. ''Trace, this 'ere's Shaz. Shaz, Tracy!''

    don't let my wife or my boss see this, I've invested too much time convincing them you can't do everything.

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  7. Susan B., de PhillyJuly 05, 2007 4:07 pm

    And here I hoped you were going to study Madame Blavatsky which would have necessitated a visit to old Philadelphia, where she ensconced herself on Sansom Street -- and where her old house is now a pretty good (though overpriced) restaurant called the "White Dog Cafe."

    Tant pis pour moi. Et Frank W.

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  8. Well done and welcome back [the bastards].

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