Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Canada Post
I don't believe it. Here I am in the middle of Canada - well, more to the left, in fact - I find a wi-fi connection and Sky News and, at once, I discover Blighty has gone to the dogs in my absence. You appear to have mislaid the leader of the Libdems, ageing crooner Bing Campbell. And why? Because you would not stop discussing his socks. 'People write articles on what kind of socks I wear,' said Bing. Well, I've often wondered myself - not the great Muji 90 degree socks, I suspect, possibly something by Timberland - but we really must keep things in perspective. Meanwhile, the moment I landed in the middle-left of Canada you all became incredibly fat. Most people will be obese by 2050, at which point, of course, we will need to redefine obesity. Anything above 25 stone for a man and 20 for a woman would be fine. Out here in middle-left Canada, of course, nobody's fat and they all wear Timberland socks. They keep thin by taking trucks apart and putting them back together again. I have driven through miles of emptiness interrupted only by houses surrounded by trucks in various states of dismemberment. Whatever floats their boat, I suppose.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
Have you managed to enrage any Canadians yet? i hear they're so PC virtually any statement will send them into a fury of left-wing prudery, sounds like a target-rich environment for irony and outrage.
ReplyDeleteAs somebody else pointed out in a BBC discussion group, owing to the lack of NHS dentists soon none of us will have any teeth - obesity problem solved.
ReplyDeleteOnly if they ban liquidisers, Sophie.
ReplyDeleteThe movie "Snow Cake" (with Alan Rickman, Sigourney Weaver) offers a great view of the boundlessly empty landscape of so much of Canada. It is set in the town of "Wawa" (means 'wild goose' in the native tongue). You can rent it and sit on a bean bag to watch it. Weaver is amazing as an autistic woman.
ReplyDeleteI have followed your link to the Muji 90 degree sock in the hope of finding geometric hosiery, but on arriving at the Muji website, I was met with the electronic equivalent of a blank stare. I fear I will have to risk another jounrey to Marks and Spencers, where a grim legion of women habitually tub at the gentlemen's unmentionables.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I meant to say "tug".
ReplyDelete