Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Ultimate Weapon

Bryan - somebody's missing you.
(If this doesn't make him break cover, nothing will...)
Posted by Nige at 2:55 pm

7 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 18, 2007 9:27 pm

    i fear the squeaky-clean Canadians have their hands on him, and are trying to break him with an intravenous Maple Syrup drip and PC slogans. They underestimate the man. Morpheus-like he will emit a gigantic scream of rage, break his handcuffs, hurl his persecutors aside and launch himself through a window.

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  2. Big Chip DaleOctober 18, 2007 10:06 pm

    ... whilst wearing his cat hat.

    You must remember The Master's cat hat, Elberry, or you'll have me believing that I imagined it.

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  3. AnonymousOctober 18, 2007 11:10 pm

    Chip, it looks like you & i may have to save Bryan from the Canadians. i think you'd best dress like Trinity and man the helicopter (as you know about computers and take care of yourself), and i'll get on my pirate coat and shades and do the Neo thing.

    We'd better find him before the Canadians break him and get the access codes to this blog.

    Best pack a spare cathat in case the Canadians have taken the original away.

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  4. AnonymousOctober 19, 2007 3:49 am

    Alas, I fear it is too late for Bryan, Nige. We all know that he recently moved into a '70's flat. Bean bag chairs were very big in the '70's. Alberta is a major producer of polyethelyne and vinyl products, as well as synthetic petrochemicals, the major ingredients in bean bag chairs. John Gray's book, Black Mass: Apocalyptic Religion and the Death of Utopia was finally published in North America this week. In the acknowledgements, Gray credits conversations with Bryan and others as having some influence on his manuscript. Gray also thanks Nick Garrison of the Canadian group ZeroFootprint for his assistance. ZeroFootprint is dedicated to reducing humanity's environmental impact. As you may recall, Bryan states that he "was here to save the world." More ominously, he refers to those bean bags as "the corpses of aliens."

    It seems to me that Bryan may have discovered some horrific secret in the bowels of his new flat or, trusting soul that he is, been lured to Alberta due to his indirect association with Nick Garrison (who has disappeared without a trace from ZeroFootprint) and the impending publication of Gray's book.

    Remember, we're talking the '70's here: the flat, the bean bags, the coffee table in that photo, the cans of Sprite (which Coca-Cola began pushing in the '70's) and finally, the most important clue, the rentals from Blockbuster. What movie was Bryan watching and why? Only one '70's blockbuster fits into this narrative, and that is Soylent Green. And we all know the ingredients of soylent green.

    Bryan must have happened upon the truth about those bean bags, Alberta's synthetic vinyls, and their relationship to reducing human carbon. Zero footprints, indeed. While we can only hope that Bryan has escaped and is galloping back home upon a waylaid Canadian moose, we must be prepared for the shocking news that the picture was time delayed and the two bean bags we see are, in fact, Bryan and the missing Nick.

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  5. Bryan AppleyardOctober 19, 2007 6:03 am

    I'm back, I'm back. How did everybody know it was Alberta? Did I say that? Anyway, off to Paris now.

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  6. AnonymousOctober 19, 2007 6:15 am

    So you say. But how do we know for sure? (Yukon or Ontario, by the way?)

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  7. Bryan AppleyardOctober 19, 2007 6:17 am

    Aaaargh! Just looked at the frigging link.

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