Thursday, October 04, 2007

The How to Crab Safely and Effectively Caption

Posted by Bryan Appleyard at 6:22 am

9 comments:

  1. John HalliwellOctober 04, 2007 7:44 am

    'Brown memorises election instruction to Labour crabbers so he can deliver without notes. It amounts to an order to go easy on the personal 'slagging-off' of Tory and Lib Dem candidates. It doesn't apply to the SNP where poisoned bait, harpoons and grappling irons are all permitted'

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  2. AnonymousOctober 04, 2007 8:44 am

    Grabbers, surely?

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  3. Bryan AppleyardOctober 04, 2007 9:06 am

    Yes, literary agents frequently lower bent pins on thread into the water so perhaps these wise words should apply to them also.

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  4. AnonymousOctober 04, 2007 10:29 am

    Good, then I can go to Frankfurt next week, with bait tied firmly to my fuschia-coloured lederhosen.

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  5. AnonymousOctober 04, 2007 12:21 pm

    'The picture caption that drowned gasping for colour' ?

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  6. AnonymousOctober 04, 2007 1:10 pm

    I am reminded of the fierce blue crabs of my childhood, clustered beneath a dock on the St. Johns River where they ate the bait of unlucky fishermen. They were bellicose buggers and more than once our dogs got their snouts pinced while barking and dashing at them. There's nothing quite like the sidewise scuttle-dance of a crab with its pincers up and ready for action. Mindless, maybe. Malevolent, absolutely.

    At night, je me souviens the steam of crab legs coming from neighborhood pots. All gone, down the blue hole of history. That dock doesn't exist anymore; a modern one is there instead with someone's yacht attached to it and all those woods and banks I played on with my dogs are now dotted with mansions, the nameless forest of huge live oaks, magnolia, and hickories cut down in favor of green swards for those massive lawns.

    The past I knew no longer exists; I am a survivor of a lost world and the new one is a wealthy subdivision called "Mariner's Point."

    Who else has lost their childhood place in this way? Some of you must have.

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  7. simbnOctober 04, 2007 1:44 pm

    The fonts of all wisdom have spoken.

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  8. simbnOctober 04, 2007 2:52 pm

    ... Nige and Bryan deny all knowledge.

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  9. AnonymousOctober 05, 2007 2:41 pm

    Jeez, I'm starting to feel like the boor at the party. I say something and virtually everyone shuts up. Maybe I should take the hint.

    Obviously I meant "I remember," not "je me souviens." French dementia setting in.

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