Friday, October 05, 2007
Was Beckham Murdered?
I intend to call for an inquest into the death of David Beckham. I know he's not dead but he will die eventually. If we wait until he does snuff it, then we'll be stuck with another decade of tabloid and lawyer-driven lunacy. My own theory, for what it is worth, is that the soft-spoken soccer superstar was the victim of a conspiracy involving Alec Ferguson, Jose Mourinho and that weirdly camp BBC weatherman. The piano that fell on him was provided by Elton John.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
I'm organizing a whip round to send Lord Justice Scott baker a japanese doll with two heads - the one he's got must be very lonely.
ReplyDeleteand hey, why is the League of Gentlemen driving Miss Diana?!
I'm trying to think who you mean...camp & weatherman? Bert Ford was the last macho BBC weatherman - and he was gay! probably.
ReplyDelete(two ohs, apparently)
ReplyDeleteBill Giles was macho too. Now nobody knows weather men's names, but there's one who's like an especially creepy sales assistant in Mr Byrite, and another who speaks so weirdly slowly he seems about to pass out. They're a strange breed. The great acTOR Nicolas Craig (Nigel Planer) gave a TV masterclass on the subject once - I think all these guys were watching and thought, hey, that could be me! Note how they use the word 'old' (as in 'rainly old day', 'that old cloud') - pure Nicholas Craig. And the totally redundant. Pause.
ReplyDeleteDaniel Corbett, that's the man. Dan the man.
ReplyDeleteYou've missed thousands of England fans distraught at his sending off in '98 and various missed penalties. Of course, Prince Philip and a murky establshment were also in on the job, given the Royal Family's concerns over the Beckhams penchant for sitting on thrones. The press will run stills of cctv footage of Dave and Posh on airport concourses. They will be 'dramatic new pictures'. Such a foul deed would be well beyond nice Daniel Corbett who would no doubt be encouraging us to recognise it's a beautiful day outside.
ReplyDeletePerhaps 'Dave' could extend his non-dom poll tax to lawyers.
ReplyDeleteLet's investigate the mysterious "suicide" of Bryan Appleyard. I for one don't think for a second that he would have snuffed it that way. (I love those little British idioms.) I plan to start with Sir Jeffrey.
ReplyDeleteThink he was poisoned by Posh, wasn't he when she caught him with another Asian?
ReplyDelete