Tuesday, February 19, 2008
The Resistible Rise of 'If You Will'
When did everybody start saying 'if you will'? I noticed a lot of Americans saying it, now it's spread over here, infecting TV news reporters in particular. It means, I suppose, that you have just used a slightly odd or surprising expression and you are disclaiming responsibility by implying that it's all the fault of the listener. As in 'Gordon Brown is a bad thing, a catastrophe if you will.' Personally I prefer 'so to speak' as in 'The Kaiser Chiefs are, so to speak, fantastically irritating and keep appearing everywhere doing phenomenally boring bloke rock when plainly they should be working behind the counter in a hippie bag and candle shop just round the corner from a university that offers degrees in social networking.' 'As it were' is even better. It carries a much heavier load of irony, as when the doctor says you're not going to survive the night - 'You are, as it were, a little unwell.' I knew a man who kept saying 'what I like to call'. One expected this to be the prelude to some entertainingly idiosyncratic verbal construct, but, in fact, it was just a nervous tic, usually inserted before some utterly conventional act of naming, as in 'This is what I like to call a cup of tea'. 'It seems to me' is used by elderly academics. It means 'You are wrong about everything, this is the unarguable truth and I don't care if you disagree because you are, so to speak, stupid.' Anyway, is it possible that 'if you will' is taking over from 'like' and 'whatever'? I suppose it's an improvement.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
So you think you can resist this one eh? Of the tics you mentioned 'like' I am sure originated in Southern Ireland it could become extremely irritating but could also be used quite amusingly.
ReplyDeleteAs irritating as 'whatever' can be, I think it was a stroke of genius, the unanswerable anticipation of 'because I say so', or at least it invites petty benign dictatorships to engage and explain themselves properly.
I know a prick of a manager who splutters "per se" into every other sentence when he has no idea what he's talking about, in the belief that it makes him sound serious and important.
ReplyDeleteI think we should bring back 'by and large'. It has a nice ring to it, in a manner of speaking.
ReplyDeleteWhat about 'all things being equal'? Never really means anything.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm afraid the fault is with the listener - one has to learn to listen to what is being said without noticing the individual words. However, 'whatever' is fine, it is the final word.
ReplyDelete"Gordon Brown is a bad thing", enough said...
ReplyDeleteI blame Stephen Fry.
ReplyDeleteIf you will, so to speak.
ReplyDelete"Is this making sense?" - a rhetorical flourish, cue pause, everyone please tell me I'm wonderful - is a phrase I often hear at dharma talks. I haven't yet had the courage to say "No" or "You patronizing git".
ReplyDelete"I'm afraid" is an annoying tic I have myself. Used instead of "as it were". "Just my 2 cents" is another one, often used to deflect accusations of giving offence.
"S'all good" crops up occasionally, but nothing beats "whatever" since its meaning is so flexible and depends on the context and intonation used. "If you will" lacks the same range. Perhaps we need a new vocabulary to challenge our authoritarian masters. "Whatever" is a good start. Just my 2 cents.
it's becoming like an episode of Grumpy Old Men, know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, i'm afraid it's basically, if you will, a matter of, like, whatever, shizznit bioch!
ReplyDeleteSteven Marcus, a professor of mine at Columbia, used to end statements with "Isn't that right?" Only he said it "Isn't that raaaght?" with the whole of the last word said through his nostrils and an upswing on "aght." Of course, it's part of our family lexicon now, said in his fashion. So does Prof. Marcus, that intrepid Dickens scholar,psychoanalytic theorist, and explorer of the "other" Victorians, live on!
ReplyDelete