Friday, August 17, 2007

Don't Forget to Weep

Spencer Elden is now 17. This should interest you because he was the swimming baby on the cover of Nirvana's Nevermind album. Spencer says; 'I have to use stupid pickup lines like, 'You want to see my penis... again?'' I wonder if that works and, come to that, why does he 'have to' use such lines? Anyway, lowering the tone further, I am reminded of the advice given by one Tom Connolly, a very successful seducer, to a  young Frank Harris, later a sex-crazed journalist.'When,' said Connolly, 'you can put a stiff penis in her hand and weep profusely the while, you're getting near any woman's heart. But don't forget the tears.' This can hardly be said to be a pickup technique comparable to Spencer's since one is clearly, at this point, a lot more than half way there. Unless, of course, placing your tumescent organ in a woman's hand represented no more than ordinary good manners in late nineteenth century society and was emphatically not to be understood as a prelude to intimacy. I like to think so.


  1. where does the time go?

    no, really, where does it all go? into some kind of temporal landfill?

  2. Are you all right, Ian, or is this comment on the wrong post? Not that anything make sense of anything like that.

  3. 17 years since.... nevermind.

    lateral thinking not what it was, I know. now women only respond to elevation. that's why they like us to put them on a pedestal, it's why we go down on one knee to propose and that's why they love to be taken up against the wall in a lift...

  4. tachyons. you know that kind of suggests we can get time back.

    so where is it now?

    are you still with me?

  5. All this talk of stiff things is, quite frankly, repugnent, and not only that it brings back painful memories of courting days when I politely asked the future Mrs Outraged to "grab hold of that". In her innocence, she missed the glint in the eye and the playful smile about the lips, and failed to take off her rubber gloves and put down the nettles she had just removed from the rose bed. The upside is I can confirm that weeping profusely does work.

  6. apropos of nix, I want to just say, god bless mrs. R.

    Ms. Baggott. I mean, I'm not entirely sure here. It's the photo-trickery see, it makes me doubt even more. I mean, beauty, yes, but I don't mind ugly women just so long as they are exactly that. Look at Ladyboy Beckham! And the last thing Harris wanted when he slapped his todger into the palm of his date was to hear the cry, ''snap!'' It's getting so confusing out there, and the older you, and they, get the less obvious it becomes - and it isn't all down to failing eyesight (I have a gold loyalty card at specsavers).

    I'm just glad I'm not pulling the birds this time. However, give me someone like Ann Widdecombe, the community's new best friend! you know where you are with him.

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