Friday, August 10, 2007

Fri/Sat Ponder: How Fat is Brown?

In a long conversation with the wise and good Nick Cohen, I suddenly asked, is Gordon Brown now the fattest world leader? Putin's skinny as is Sarkozy; Merkel's none too porky and Bush looks buff. So I thought I'd get the ponder in before Nick uses it in one of his pieces. What is the Prime Minister's Body Mass Index? I think we should be told.


  1. There is little doubt he is clinically obese. I suspect he also suffers from sleep apnoea, so his nugatory intellectual powers will decline at a faster rate than most.

    I suppose it makes him feel good to have something in common with the majority of the electorate.

  2. First, what is this with fat typeface, Bryan?

    So, to body mass index for Gordon Brown - likely about 25, I guess. This way he is close to the desired value for the female population as well. I think it is all planned for equality purposes!

    Nore to the point, I guess he and his wife have closer BMI's than Blairs did! Harmony in the family.

  3. What has the Gordonian BMI got to do with the price of fish? Enough already - I thought you weren't Cellulite of the Stars magazine.

  4. Ah morning, Mopsa, looks like it's just you and me. I don't know, somehow I feel fat is a political issue here. And don't knock apnoea, glassdarkly, I have a mild case. The fat typeface, rebel, is Verdana, I've been using it to distinguish my posts form Nige's/

  5. When I look at Gordon I don't see a fat man; I see a reassuring chunkiness, a physical expression of 'have no fear my dears, all will be well'. In the face of the latest financial crisis, with words such as 'meltdown' being bandied about all over the place, it is such a consolation to observe the tightness of Gordon's jacket, especially about the shoulders. And, as he walks with that measured solemnity towards camera and takes that extra deep, but almost imperceptible, breath to ease the strain on fabric as he fastens the bottom button of his jacket, the sudden tightening of girth gives off not an expression of strangulation but one of resolution. No, this is not fatness, this is a statement of 'all will be well!' So, keep your Putin, Sarkozy , Merkel and Bush. Only the British will feel easy this morning.

  6. hot air weighs less than you think.

    (and you are a heavy thinker)

  7. i have my hopes that Brown is secretly Falstaff, and is in deep disguise (no doubt assisted by corsets), spouting all that New World Order and Death Camp March to Progress crap; but soon he will rip his shirt & corset off to reveal a manly, pie-fed belly, his beard will sprout at supernatural speed, and that familiar belly laugh will ring out throughout the land; and as at Sauron's fall the Nazgul perish, so will management consultancies, New Labour, reality TV, football, Leeds, the Booker Prize, McDonalds, Starbucks, chavs, stupid annoying people, and bullshit of all types.

    Brown/Falstaff will inaugurate a truly New World Order - of peace, sex, alcohol, amusing rather than alarming crime, and poetry. Bush inevitably will threaten to bomb us into the Stone Age but Falstaff's laughter will knock their planes and ICBMs out of the sky.

    And all these immigrants will suddenly find themselves drawn to tweed, bowling, cricket, fine ales and forelock-tugging. They will shed their burqas & take to morris dancing & pie-eating.

    And then all will be England.

    Or he'll be as bad as Blair, only fatter.