Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Ponder Post 8
I have been remiss. My last Ponder Post was on July 7th. I must not abandon the project of solving all outstanding problems. Humanity is counting on me. But Ponder Posts are back with a big one. Shredded Wheat - not the bite-sized variety - comes in boxes of paper packages, each of which contains three pillow-shaped - er - thingies. Since two thingies ought to be enough for any man, why do they do this? Say I consume my two thingies on the first morning of a new pack. One is left over for the next day, but, by then, of course, it will have lost its edge of freshness. That may seem bad enough, but on Day Two my prospects worsen considerably. I consume the slightly staler thingy along with one more from a new three-pack. This leaves TWO thingies to grow stale over night. On Day Three, I am condemned to an all stale breakfast, though I can console myself with the thought that, on Day Four, my day will get off to a bright start with two absolutely fresh thingies. But then there is Day Five and the whole cycle starts again. Surely some packaging rethink is not beyond the wit of the Shredded wheat company. Or do they have some darker motive?
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
a man never alludes to breakfasting alone...
ReplyDeleteBut how can Shredded Wheat become stale, provided it is kept in a dry place? I've never seen stale Shredded Wheat, unless its been left in a cupboard for years. You make it sound like bread, when it is in fact dead. Gratefully,
ReplyDeletesounds like a Sam Beckett novel: "In the end there is only the unending no-thing of no-fresh Shredded Wheat. The nurse brings in my breakfast, a fine woman she is, in her 90s no less, a sprightly girl even, I may make her mine one day. Why not? It is not beyond me yet. Still have the occasional stir. But the breakfast is stale. Three per bag, now there's unreason for you. Real cock-up there. First day fine, breakfast to excess. One left over, what to do? Stamp on it? Throw it at nurse? Pull it apart? Think at it? Could it become my disciple, my friend? Make love to the Shredded Wheat? Possible, possible, still some stirring down there, on a good morning. But day two, excess has become dangerous. It is stale all over now. Life stale. Like that. No-fresh. No.
ReplyDeleteOh Bryan, Bryan. What is it with this breakfast cereal thingie? Why do you, and millions like you, believe that the way to start the day is by scouring your internals and cracking your teeth on partly processed grass seeds?
ReplyDeleteBoiled egg and soldiers. Fine
Eggs & Bacon/Ham. Excellent choice for the weekend.
Ham & Cheese. The perfect daily comestible.
A kipper. Why, very heaven.
I've never been able to even look at it ever since it was used as a simile for arthur scargill's hair.
ReplyDeleteThe shreddies probably cost 1p and the rest of the price goes on unnecessary packaging and waste at the behest of a marketing manager. What you are really buying is worry. Pretty well all branded, supermarket cereals fall into this category, imho.
ReplyDeleteThere's no need to become a breakfast victim and put up with companies who think you're worth 1p. Fresh fruit with some nuts and dried fruit sprinkled on top here. Some folks say that a pork chop or bacon on the side goes well with this. Sounds darn good to me.
The breakfast people have dogs, obviously. Two thingies for you, one for the dog under the table. As I type this, I have a grey-chinned labrador waiting to have a piece of my toast.
ReplyDeleteElberry-- priceless parody.
Here's Appleyard again
ReplyDeletewith his breakfasting views!
Blogger his pen
and muesli his muse.
The darker motive is the obvious answer: they know that people like you will toss out that extra biscuit (American definition) and buy another box 33% sooner. The solution to this problem is also simple: quit buying it and go back to eating wholesome and hearty McCann's. There's no BHT in McCann's, either. BTW, thank you for mentioning McCann's earlier - it is a big hit with my family.
ReplyDelete