'Bryan,' he emails, 'I presume you know why you hate cats? In a fit of jealousy Stripey attacked you in your cot just after you were born. He had previously been castrated by Uncle Edward without anaesthetic.'
I did not know this. It is awful to find oneself so suddenly and glibly explained. I feel so, so ... violated.
Yes but now you have the opening scene of your Bildungsroman. Almost Shandean.
ReplyDeleteis it a bit like being castrated without anaesthetic?
ReplyDeletedidn't Leonardo da Vinci report being attacked/visited by a bird when he was an infant, in a strange Freudian epiphany?
Did the cat try to suck out your soul, too? That'd make you hate the critters.
ReplyDeleteI'd be interested to know what else about you is explained by this childhood attack, besides your hatred of cats. Your split personality disorder?
ReplyDeleteWhat about so-called 'Uncle' Edward; was he a split personality? Had his other half buggered off with the anaesthetic?
ReplyDeleteAh, not content with getting your readers to write your articles, you are now trying to lure them into substituting for your psychiatrist's bills. Is this, I wonder, your inner Stripey at work?
ReplyDelete