Mugabe Survives End of Universe

These are momentous times. Naomi Campbell has been handcuffed on a plane. I note that she chose to wear a baseball cap to conceal her features from the snappers. This is the preferred style of celebrity arrestees as it does not fully conceal and gives the paps just enough to leave them begging for more. Ordinary types tend to favour a blanket or coat. Meanwhile, Blair has decided to do God in the midst of his post-prime ministerial idyll. God is said to be flattered and delighted. And, finally, if you think the Large Hadron Collider will destroy the world if not the universe, then you are, apparently, a moron. So that's it then, we've got less than a year left. Morons, 'brights', supermodels and ex-prime ministers will be consumed by the soft whoosh of a phase transition in the cosmic background energy or vacuum metastability disaster. A kinder, gentler cosmos will replace the one we know and feel distinctly ambivalent about. Zimbabwe, however, will remain much the same.