Monday, August 06, 2007

The Bottle Wrestling Mystery

Since the important matter of corkscrews has come up again (see Comments under Your Xmas Problem Solved), I must mention another of the small mysteries of modern life. Why is it that, in establishments whose business involves the opening of wine bottles on a wellnigh industrial scale - pubs, bars, restaurants - nothing but the flimsiest, cheapest, most basic 'waiter's friend' is ever employed? Sometimes it's a corkscrew even more basic than that. The result is that the opening of a bottle of wine is more like an unequal wrestling match than the smooth and simple operation it should be. I have often been in restaurants where waitresses have simply had to give up and hand the bottle over to someone with more developed arm muscles. In the age of the plastic stopper - an abomination in every way, and far harder to extract than a cork - this is becoming more and more problematic. And it is entirely unnecessary - there are devices available for very little money that open the most intransigent bottle with minimal effort - this kind of thing. Why are these not more widely used? Is it something to do with the English preference to make a Big Thing - even a wrestling match - out of anything to do with wine?

9 comments:

  1. I don't like the sound of this 'waiter's friend'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. With the money they charge to cork the blasted thing, you should expect, nay, demand a hell of a lot more than a few drops of sweat and the offered hope of skinned knuckles. At least four, oohing and ahhing in the background. As you'll likely payed less at the birth of children.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Try the Sommelier's Mate, mate - simple physics, the right measure between fulcrum, pivot and lever. No more bent double like a knackered fairy, puce of countenance. grace and decorum ensured.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...of course, real men just smash the neck over the bar.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There's an elegant French device that some swear by - just two thin, flat, slightly curved prongs, with sharp ends. You work one in beside the cork, the other into the cork - and out, in theory, it comes. It's all in the wrist action (hem hem). I was given one once. It broke the first time I tried it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. you've reminded me of all those devices designed to reseal an opened bottle so the contents can be drunk on another occasion - why in god's name would you want to do that?! of course, we have screw caps now so they've killed two birds with one stone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I once killed two birds with one stone. I was aiming at my cat - and missed!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I almost killed a bird with eighteen stone. I was aiming for Stairway to Heaven - and slipped.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Could it be that everytime the owner makes a nice opener available for his staff, it disappears?

    ReplyDelete