Friday, August 03, 2007

Sex News

Cutting edge research at the University of Texas reveals that people have sex because they are attracted to each other and want to experience physical pleasure. This overturns previous research at the University of Godalming which appeared to find that people had sex because they thought it prevented global warming and irritated Jeffrey Archer. 
People abstaining from sex have the same amount of sex as people not abstaining from sex. This exposes a deep misunderstanding about the meaning of the word 'abstaining'. It means applying henna to your stomach muscles prior to having sex.
A number of holiday sex positions involving water suggested by Cosmopolitan have been exposed as potentially lethal. 'Stairway to heaven', for example, 'requires some manouevring. (And a complete disregard for personal safety.)'
A discussion at the Adult Novelty Expo highlighted 'dramatic shifts in adult retail'. Thanks to the internet, customers at sex shops are now better informed than ever - 'Sometimes the information is accurate and sometimes not, but it's a far cry from the days before 'anal sex' was a household term and people still believed tennis elbow was caused by tennis.'


  1. Are you looking to get on Mock The Week?

    surely we're overdue a caption competition?

  2. those are, surely, different sex locations rather than positions. you know, I regard myself as being as adventurous and experimental as the next person but you'd think after a million generations that we'd have sorted out the most pleasurable positions by now! We have. So why do we keep searching? Because opinions are worthless.

    and 'water-based'? I thought it... no, I'm not permitted to on blogger.

  3. Can't really get too excited about any of this, but then, Bryan, I can't get too worked up about global warming either. Hmm, now there perhaps is a study just waiting to be funded.

  4. What's it saying about the British attitude to sex when there are five comments here, and thirty odd elsewhere about a flakey green thing, covered in blisters, held steady by strapping, and giving off a filthy smell ?

  5. Hmmm. What's on your mind, Bryan?

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  7. Exploring newer options and being real excited while trying them out together is what gets the adrenalin going !

    Variety is the spice of life and so the newer positions described are definitely the name of the game !

    Sometimes it takes something as simple as being playful like a child to ward off the monotony surrounding our love life and to get you both back into the mood for romance and reignite the passion !

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