Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Gordon Brown Speech Caption


  1. Should I stay or should I go now?
    Should I stay or should I go now?
    If I go there will be trouble
    An' if I stay it will be double
    So come on and let me know

  2. My hands are steady
    My eyes are clear and bright
    My walk has purpose
    My steps are quick and light
    And I hold firmly
    To what I feel is right
    Like a rock

    Like a rock, I am strong as I can be
    Like a rock, nothin' ever gets to me
    Like a rock, I am something to see
    Like a rock

    (Apologies to Bob Seger)

  3. Brown turns to health issues and the physical fitness needed in leadership, and asks "Does a slow, uneven, flow suggest prostate problems? If so, I now demonstrate to you that everything's fine it that area"

    (This part of the speech drew gasps of astonishment at the sheer audacity of the man, and a 3 minute standing ovation, allowing those in the front row time to towel themselves down)

  4. 'Brown ruins shirt front with a speech full of bile'

  5. Brown drained after wringing the last drops of socialism from his party.

  6. Brown ''just getting on with the job''. Results may be expected soon!

  7. Conf Delegate on laptopSeptember 25, 2007 1:16 pm

    "Today, I unveil this model, this new symbol of a new Britain. I want you to see this unceasing flow of water as a metaphor for progress following a ten year drought of leadership; it is the ultimate symbol of life and strength, the well-spring of creativity, the unlocking of a stream of consciousness, the critical element in reviving and nourishing the people of Britain, in refreshing social policy, in revitalising education, in moistening the cracked lips of an exhausted health service, in re-hydrating a Police service thirsty for greater powers, and, remember, our success in these areas will drown out all opposition"

    (Heckler : Dennis Skinner) "What a load of bollocks! What does it all mean? When are we going to talk about important issues like 'Clause Four'? Anyway, this is a travesty of a caption; a caption should be concise, witty and merely suggestive of possibilities. Appleyard should ban nonsense like this. It's making Guido's contributors look like Nobel prize winners!"

  8. Lowering the tone (as Alastair Campbell was wont to say): socialist cow having shat bricks at the mere thought of Bryan's blog around party conference time, is now feebly wetting itself.

  9. Ah, the new water feature in the garden of 10 Downing Street, where ministers are required to wash nose and tongue before attending Cabinet