Thursday, September 06, 2007
I Don't Need the BBC to Discover Who I Am
'You are a direct descendent of William the Conqueror!' cried somebody or other to a baby in a trailer I just saw for the BBC series Who Do You Think You Are? - the fourth series starts tonight. The word 'direct' in that sentence is quite meaningless. Does it mean, for example, the baby is descended down the male line? If so, is that always through the first son? Or does the family tree sometimes deviate to the female side? In fact, of course, you and I are almost certainly as 'directly' descended from William as that baby. What somebody or other actually meant was, 'I wish you were descended from William the Conqueror!' Put it another way. I share half of each of my parents' genes, a quarter of my grandparents, an eighth of my great grandparents, a sixteenth of my great great grandparents. Take that all the way back to 1066 and, genetically speaking, I'd be as closely related to King Harold (I prefer the underdog) as I am to your average chimp. All of which is to say I don't get this genealogy thing. Other people go crazy for it. Being called Appleyard, I get occasional letters and emails from people who have made it their life's work to trace 'our' family tree. I do not co-operate. The respectable explanation is that people are seeking identity - futile but touching - the less respectable one is snobbery. They are aiming to ape the great families. But the great families - the Royals, the Rothschilds, whoever - are not created by genealogy, they are created by will and, of course, wills. There's nothing 'direct' about the Royal descent, it's a series of politically expedient zig-zags and u-turns. So, basically, if you want to be descended from someone famous, just tell everybody you are, it will be as true as anything unearthed by the BBC. I can now reveal I share the blood of Chaucer and Aristotle. We don't talk about Cousin Dostoyevsky and, of course, I intend to do nothing about my claim to the throne.
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A blog about, among other things, imaginary ideas - What ifs? and Imagine thats. What if photographs looked nothing like what we see with our eyes? Imagine that the Berlin Wall had never come down. What if we were the punchline of an interminable joke? All contributions welcome.
I think it means Sir Howsyerfather didn't knock-up the queen while Willie was in the woods hunting boar.
ReplyDeleteI suppose statistically on average you have a 1 in 50 chance of being related to anyone from that period, the population expansion being 50X. Of course, it's never that simple. In fact if you're the right ethnic origin, the chances of being related increase. If you have red hair, even better!
ReplyDeleteThough I once read a theory that red hair is caused by a remnant gene from the Neanderthals, so you might want to keep it quiet.
Statistically, Ian, you are certain to be related to everyone from that period. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteI have watched some of those programmes and what I found interesting about them were the human stories - the struggles, betrayals and historical context. If I were to check out my own genealogy, it would be for this reason. I just know anyway, in my bones, that I am descended from a bunch of shameless reprobates.
ReplyDeleteHow about a caption comp, Bryan? Ian and co. need their fix and I'm trying to beguile a tedious hour before getting down to work.
ReplyDeleteI meant descended, as in the beget sense.
ReplyDeleteyou are the real Kunta Kinte, neil, and I claim my five pounds.
ReplyDeleteactually, I don't think it was part of that series but part of the history of slavery one, where a black guy traced his roots. it was quite a revelation for him.
I would, Neil, but Blogger's playing up
ReplyDeleteI think we came to Ireland from Scotland in the middle of the 19th century to work on Dun Laoghaire pier in Dublin. I was out there recently and it's still standing. I doubt I'll leave anything behind that lasts that long, except perhaps my debts.
ReplyDeleteI think you are being a little harsh on those questing Appleyards, Bryan. I would be inclined to attribute the desire to know one's family history to a deep-seated human need to connect. Family ties can disintegrate so fast - see Ariel Leve's piece in the Sunday Times last weekend. When I come across people with my surname (Jebb) I do feel a strong sense of kinship. As there are very few of us I know we must be (comparatively) closely related. I'm not a saddo and I don't have snobbish tendencies - I'm just curious about where the connections lie.
ReplyDeleteSophie, I agree with you. But, then, women are so often the ones who care most about family connections and keeping them up.
ReplyDeleteI wonder, Bry, if you noticed the irony of your phrase "aping the great families"? Darwin would love it.
There's a hilarious (in a boring kind of way) edition of Who Do You Think You Are? coming up, in which John Hurt is really seriously miffed to discover that he is not, after all, descended from Irish aristocracy. Only a man with a film star ego would have exposed himself so shamingly. On Antiques Roadshow, when they discover their prized 'antique' is worthless, they at least make a decent job of covering up their seething disappointment.
ReplyDeleteAn Irish aristocracy? Didn't know we had one.
ReplyDeleteLace-curtain vs. Shanty, Neil.
ReplyDeleteThat's Irish as in English with socking great Irish estate, Neil.
ReplyDeleteWhile I know something about my family lineage (because someone wrote a monograph on it 100 years ago), it isn't particularly remarkable or memorable. On the whole, it is just 13 generations of Americans living long and quiet lives. The men, on average, lived to 78. No heroes, no politicians, no great landowners. About the most interesting thing is the lack of any military experience in 370 years in America.
ReplyDeleteI had a great aunt (I think) who mixed up a lethal alcoholic cocktail in her bath, bottled it and flogged it as a tonic to the ladies of Mayfair - I've still got the recipe somewhere. Other than that, nothing much...
ReplyDeleteI seem to remember you had a recipe for fudge also
ReplyDeleteYes, I discussed this geneology scam back on my own blog a while ago. People fall for it because (a) they lack logical brains and (b) they are vain.
ReplyDeleteBut as to the wider question "why genelogy?", it's noticeable that people tend to get into it in middle-age. Suggesting that like so many oddities of human behaviour, it's all about facing death, accepting one's place on the great generational conveyor belt, etc etc. Perhaps you don't 'get' it, Bryan, because you deal with that in other ways...
Ah yes, Brit, indeed I do, I should write a book How to Deal with Death in Other Ways. In fact, a piece I have in the ST this Sunday is all about death - though it's about a guy who can't deal with it.
ReplyDeleteSure, Brit, vain illogical people fall for idiotic geneology scams and scour their attics for evidence they are related to lords, pirates or highwaymen. Humble logical types who can never be fooled sit in biology labs mapping the route back to the common ancestral female.
ReplyDeleteAh Yes Mitochondrial Eve. She didn't have any tattoos
ReplyDeleteBryan, she didn't have anything at all, including a personality. That's why the rationalists love her so much--she is pure remote object. Not for them to wonder whether she drank too much or made a mean mammoth stew. Although, the evidence does seem to suggest she got around a bit.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing special about Mitochondrial Eve other than that she's a logical conclusion. But then, they've never been amongst your strong points, have they Peter?
ReplyDelete